Public Notice.

Hear Ye , Hear Ye, (accompanied by sounds of drum beating) this is to announce that I am hereby founding a fan club , whose object of adoration (OOA) is one Mr saccho .(I think that's his name..lol)
The reason for this grave decision is due to conclusions drawn following the events that occurred on the evening of 25th January 2005 , at IITM’s Saarang and which shall be enumerated in further detail below.

1)The OOA is EXTREMELY CUTE (A highly technical term that describes and perhaps quantifies the degree of appeal, that his general manner, has with the ladies. )

2)The OOA is obviously smart (Well if it turns out he’s not...cuteness compensates)

3)Although competing with stalwarts in the field of JAM (such as the likes of Mr. KG or was it KJ??) , he managed to hold his own at Saarang’s JAM ,placing a very decent second, in a viciously competitive test of one’s elocution skills , a test that has caused many greats to have fallen by the way side.

4)The ability of the OOA , to jump vigourously up and down in his seat and stamp hard on the floor over a sustained period (more than 3 and half hours)at periodic intervals, reveals that he possesses the physical stamina and fitness to endure long hours of autograph signing for screaming fans and a little more…(lol..) and is therefore worthy of being an OOA. (Also reminds one of an adorable jack-in-the-box.)

5)And lastly , his not far from pleasing appearance and very cute smile , makes it seem quite reasonable to want to start a fan club for him.

I would like to bring it to the public’s notice , that as far as I am aware , there is no such pre-existing private or public enterprise. Therefore , pending the OOA’s approval and aquiesence, all licensing and merchandise in the name of the aforementioned will be copyrighted and belong to trust that manages the fan club. (So far, that’s me.) Ofcourse , with proper royalties afforded to the OOA.

Since, the financial aspects of such a club are obviously expected to be colossal (considering the enormous popularity of the OOA) , the affairs of the club will be managed systematically with procedure that is ISO 9001 approved.

Regarding membership,anyone who is interested in joining the club is welcome.It is a presumption that this enterprise will appeal solely to the female of our species. If it so happens , however, that there are men or other species ,who are interested , it might be good idea to be well aware of the fact that the OOA is straight and prefers humans*. And If it is acceptable that it might not further your chances with him despite being part of the club , you are more than welcome to join.

Subscriptions to the club begin as soon as OOA’s approval is sought. (Ladies and etc. ,you have got to be patient.)

Regarding membership fee and a full list of club related activities please contact Mercury at

http://agirwithkaleidoscopeeyes.blogspot.com

*This information is pending an affirmation and this enterprise accepts no responsibility for it’s accuracy. If it so happens that the OOA is not, then the club, in all it’s entirety will continue to function and no refunds will be given.

Disclaimer : The author intends no offence to Mr saccho , Mr KG (or KJ as the case may be) , to IITM or to Saarang.

The author also sincerely hopes no one will be fool enough to indicate to the OOA of the existence of such a post. And if it so happens that he sees it , Well, Saccho , what can I say …You are damn Cute, Don't feel bad about it.(..lol. )And I’m so glad I can afford to be anonymous.

The Fast And The Furious............

I cannot begin this post except by saying that today I had the misfortune of dealing with three absolute PRICKS (BASTARDS ..or any other expletives you care to supply are welcome..I have a limited vocabulary when it comes to this..)

So what's the big deal about that, you ask?? Well, these were'nt your run of the mill assholes..These were ,the very low down , absolute pits , scum of the earth kind of creatures. As you can see, I'm boiling with rage. But that is of no consequence since I think I am fully justified in being so.

I think for the first time in my life , I AM APPALLED. Absolutely and completely shocked out of my wits by how abysmally people can behave. And I thought I was worldly wise.Boy , was I wrong or what?

Perhaps , It might be better if I moved on to the cause of my anger rather than stagnate with how angry I am. So here's what happened. This friend of mine and I were on our way back from IITM's Saarang around 4 in the afternoon. And we were driving back towards MountRoad. Most people , familiar with madras roads will know that you've got to go through Kotturpuram and down Chamier's Road . Now at the signal there , there are crossroads , so one can go straight down , turn right or turn left. And we were planning to go straight down Chamier's Road , so we stuck to the middle lane. As it happened there was this piece of trash driving an Indica( not like that's of any consequence but anyway) who obviously could'nt use his cerebrum enough to decide which way he wanted to go. So first he goes and ensconces himself in the lane to turn right , and the cars are lined bumper to bumper and this asshole has a change of mind ,decides that he now wants to go straight. So what does our hero (read Brainless twit) do?

Since there are cars behind and infront of him , leaving no room for much navigation , he cuts a sharp left such that half his engine juts out into the middle lane where we are proceeding to go forward. He does this all of a sudden , no intimation , no horn , nothing. And since the signal was on for us to go straight we must have been driving around 40 Kmph or so. Which is not at all fast.. And when that bastard swerved into our path we had to screech to a halt to prevent from banging into him.

Does the fucker apologize?? NOOOOO… He glares at us and mutters some crap about how girls can’t drive , to which my rather hot-headed friend who was driving replied with a rather audible Fuck You.

And it was’nt all that loud either. But the occupants of the car seemed to have heard it. Now , We know that it ain’t the best thing in the world to swear so loudly on the road. Especially when women are traveling alone. And many people may think that we got what we deserved …But what the hell??? That creep made the mistake , he should have either apologized, but perhaps that’s asking for too much from someone minus a brain and eyes, or he should have just backed off without muttering some crap about my friend’s driving skills.

If I had’nt been there to intervene and tell her to shut up , she’d have said a whole lot more that fuck you. So, I am glad I was around. Next thing we know , the guy screams: “what the hell did you say , you bitch” And he craps some nonsense and tells us to “fucking pull over” ..He wants to talk to us , we figure. Now , my friend and I got MAD. Seriously , big time furious. I mean the fucker has the audacity to swerve into our path then threatens us . Who the hell did he think he was. Or rather who the hell did he think we were…that we were gonna be bullied easily..???

Anyway, we moved past the signal and onto chamiers road and the asshole followed us all the way down that road. He pulled up beside us twice, both times , we rolled up our windows and ignored him at my request. My friend was fuming. She was screaming expletives (But since the windows were up they could’nt hear much , only sense that we were pissed off.) And I shared her sentiments , but it does’nt exactly help to get mad in such a situation and so far it was perfectly within our control to keep everything cool. So , I told her to shut up and not say a word.

So first, the guy drives past us on the left and screams some crap which I tried not to listen to and my friend , well she was an idiot, she tells me , “We’re stopping at the next cop’s ok?? If these guys try anything smart, I’m gonna screw their happiness. Take down their license plates” Me , the great pacifier. I convinced her that it was’nt necessary and all that and that they’d probably just get tired of following us and since we’d just filled up petrol we could drive around for miles.

These guys were obviously mightily pissed off. I guess , their male ego could’nt take it that they were dished out expletives by a girl. Personally , I don’t see what the fuss is all about , You drive like a retard , You get cussed at , You cuss back. End of story.

Anyway, so we drive on and then come to the signal to turn onto Mount Road , A place swarming with cops and having traffic signals every 200 mts or so. It is the biggest and longest road and it runs right across , through madras. So, even if those guys were mad with us , it would be so very very stupid to try and bully two girls in a car when there were three men in their car. In madras , All one needs to do is pull up at the nearest cop’s and tell him that three guys in a car are bullying you and if need be , start crying. That’s it . Then those guys have really had it. [Ofcourse, personally I think that’s wrong but I was told this by my street savvy and yet hot tempered friend who claimed that there was nothing these guys could do in broad daylight to us without getting into very big shit.]

(I wish she would realise that there are some guys who do stuff without thinking or caring about the consequences so for the most part it's better to just say sorry and apologize even if it's not really your fault and get on with it. Especially if you sense that you are dealing with a crazy person.)

Anyway ,She was furious and would’nt listen to me one bit about calming down and letting it go.Just when I had about convinced her that she should forget about it and not go to the cops’ those bastard pulled up at her side, parallel to our car. We had already rolled up our windows and I had locked my door , but my idiot friend and only rolled up her window and not locked her door.Which turned out be something that the guy noticed. Since we were caught in the signal , he first trying knocking on our window [knocking is putting it mildly] trying to get us to listen to him , I guess he wanted to tell us he was some big shot’s son and how dare we talk to him like that or some such rot. Since we chose to completely pretend like he did’nt exist the bastard actually stretched out his hand from his car and pulled open my friends door and tried to shove his hand through. God knows what he was trying to do. That son of a bitch.

Well ,I had kept totally quiet until then , (…believing that perhaps we ought not to have been rude in the first place…a sentiment I voiced to my friend and which got me a huge shelling about how I have no clue about these things .) but when he did that my blood boiled. And I told him that if he did’nt take his fucking hand off our door I’d just slam the door on his hand anyway . And the macho fucker that he thought he was…He was like “oh yeah??? Let’s see.” Then I was like “On second thoughts , I think let’s just go to the cops ok. See you there”.My friend hit the accelarator and we zoomed past them

Ofcourse they would have to follow , (otherwise where would be my story) and they were screaming and trying to edge their car so close to ours that we were almost jammed against the median . They were actually trying to get us to stop forcibly.Intimidation , is not something to which either of us respond well to. We were now pretty sure we wanted to totally screw those bastards.And by now all my earlier hesitation ,about the fact that maybe it was our fault too, had all disappeared . This was too much. I mean I can understand you’re angry when someone swears at you. So you swear back. You don’t chase them for two kilometers and try to ram them into the median and forcibly open their car. I’m still trying to figure what he was trying to achieve by that. Was he trying to scare us?? In which case, it was all in vain . If it was just one of us , we might have been scared ( then again , it it were just me I would rather apologize over something than have a conflict with a stranger., I don’t think it’s worth my time and energy) But the two of us together , and my friend being pretty fearless , we were more pissed off than intimidated. I wonder what he would have said , if we had listened him. That guy must have been real stupid. What the idea was with pulling open our car door, when there were cops everywhere ,I don't know. If he had been seen ,or reported, he could get booked for eve teasing and a whole bunch of stuff.And he’d get solidly screwed unless he was some politico’s kin.


Anyway, then , we got onto mount road properly , I noticed my friend was shivering with rage , Boy…I have never seen her angry and it was more scary than those guys who were chasing us movie style. She was swearing in Tamil and Hindi and English and I was shocked. I knew she wasn’t exactly a prude , But this. Wow.

We pulled up next to a cop and we were about to stop when we saw a guy that my friend knew , he was on his bike so we motioned to him to pullover and he was equally shocked to see my friend so agitated. Anyway , so we told him that those creeps had tried to bully and intimidate us and all that. And he wanted to know which those guys were , Just then they sort of cruised past really slowly and my friend she pointed to the cop standing nearby and gesticulated.warning them that if they tried anything , we’d definitely not take it. Also since there was a guy who was with us. Well , I suppose , if nothing else , those bastards could see that we were’nt “poor , defenseless girls” anymore. So they waited a while , and then realizing that we were probably gonna go to the cops they decided it would be better if they just pushed off. And so they did.

I really regret not taking down their license plate numbers.Anyway, If ever something like this happens I know what to do. Lol..

Moral of the story: Don't swear aloud in public. It's just not worth the trouble it can cause.

P.S : I apologize for the bad language. I cannot claim to never swear. I do. (Although I’ve been trying now, for a while , not to. Got to grow out of this.) To everyone that knows me, I guess you’re not surprised . To everyone whose senses I have jarred or offended . Forgive me ,That was’nt my intention. I’m just Livid.

P.P.S: Ah well...Atleast , it was an eventful day.

Oh Sister..Art thou..Well....You know??

A short screenplay

Characters:
1)Xena- Referred to throughout as X.(She picked this name...)
2)Gabrielle- Xena's faithful sidekick..lol..this is a name I chose..
3)Simone: referred to as S...a wonderfully talented,humourous and eminently lovable sort of girl
4)garfunkelle: Above said's faithful side-kick...Does'nt play the guitar too well though , but good back-up vocals to simone 's lustrous voice....lol

All in all one hell of a foursome.(In a strictly friends sort of way...although as the story progresses one or two of the characters might develop issues with that..lol)

Scene 1: .Enter four drop-dead gorgeous women , all final year :Xena , Gabrielle, Simone and Garfunkelle. The end of the day, excited chatter,sarcasm and laughter ...about some very 'profound' opinions spewed by prof in the previous hour.

X: Hey you know what????? [Excitement evident in her tone]

[Everyone looks up only half-interestedly...X usually follows above said statement with a "life is great" ,"I Love Me" sort of declaration ,which might have been once found cute, but 105 times later..the cute-ness is inversely proportional to time elapsed since first try...]

Gab: [Not wanting to be impolite..knowing S&G won't say the expected...] what????

X: [suddenly looking very sheepish and abashed..] Would you mind if I asked you something frankly???

S&G: [look up sharply,very rarely is X unsure of what she wants to say..This has to be good, both of them think. Half grins on faces and eyes shining..]

X:[still looking rather hesistant] Well...umm..gabby..[continues looking sheepish]

S&G:[in unison] Get on with it.

X: Umm..ok..well..Gabby..you know..where do you get your bras
from..? I mean ...'cos you know...ummm..they always fit you so well...[she says this half meek at first , then voice strengthening as she figures it can't be that bad]

[Author's note 1: It was pretty bad.]

[Stunned silence follows for approximately 30 secs...it seems like an eternity.]

S&G:[burst out laughing like hysterical hyenas]

Gab:[the object of admiration , or rather the wearer of the object of admiration is too stunned...She's not sure how to react. In fact, it appears as though she's developing a head ache just trying to decide whether to laugh along with S&G or just continue staring with mouth wide open...]

[Net result of confusion: Gabby laughs for 2 seconds and then switches to shocked open mouthed look, alternately for the 5 minutes that S&G are hysterical.]

[Meanwhile X is going absolutely beet-red...She did'nt anticipate this sort of reaction.]

X:[blustering and stuttering] What i mean is...I mean...you guys will you stop laughing for half a second...listen to me...hey...I meant , in the sense that...chi chi chi...
[seeing the other's faces contorted in evil, obviously not
innocent kind of laughter]how can you think like that...that's not what i meant...

[But nobody pays any notice to her remonstrations.]

S: Damn it....where's the digcam when you need it...kodak moment if ever there was one...Gabby you should see your face..oh well...oops...X is too interested in other parts of you...

S&G:[High five...continue hysteria]

Gab:[With great difficulty regains composure and in a very matter of fact voice answers X ] Oh yeah...umm...I got it in that store you know...umm..yeah..you get good lingerie there..See the thing is when you wear clothes that hug you...[blah blah...she goes into the science of relating underwear with clothes being worn...]

[Author's note 2: women will appreciate that it is indeed a science]

S&G: God...Give it up ok...

Garf'lle: Listen gabby, don't act as though she just told you your shoes were nice and asked you where you bought them...[more laughing]

X:[seeing a way out , and thinking vehemence will help..says vehemently] I don't what the fuss is all about...for god's sake...stop being so juvenile..
Gabby...I just happened to notice...tell these guys it's not a big deal...I was only remarking 'cos you know....

Garf'lle: NO WE DON'T KNOW

Gab: Neither do we want to...Atleast I don't...

S: See X , where your eyes choose to settle is your own sweet business ..but you could be considerate enough to consider the fact that making us aware of where your eyes settle might makes us very uncomfortable...Since we might not share your inclinations and all that...

[One more round of laughing...Gab and Garf'elle heartily concur]

Gab:[With large sarcastic grin on face...feigning concern]
You know what...despite the fact that I was a victim here...I still say , we should'nt make X feel bad about her identity

Garf'lle: [chiming in with large grin] Oh yeah...I mean..sure...no hang ups at all da..

S:Remember X...when Garf'lle went through her patch of switching sides...we did'nt abandon her...so don't worry ok?? Even if you never return to our side we'll still be your friends...

Garf'lle:[Righteous indignation shows on face..] Very funny....I was never Lesbian...Address all requests for proof C/O "so and so" ...He'll tell you...

S: Don't we know it...[laughs loud]

X: Hey...you guys..I make one remark which is really quite innocent...and you guys start accusing me of being lesbian...
what the hell...

S: No one's accusing anyone..chill...Besides it ain't a crime to be lesbian...We are quite aware that you can't help who you are...

Gab: Yeah...see like we said..it's cool with us..

[Enter 5th character...H.O.D of their dept....she sort of waddles up to the four..hearing all the hysteria and wants to be chummy and share the joke...and feel like a cool prof...]

H.O.D: [In very nasal...typically maami tamil]...what is all the commotion here...enna pah...evalovu sattham poddathey (don't make so much noise)

seri seri...yennathu ethu...avalo joka irruku..yennakum sollu(ok ok...so what's so funny...tell me the joke too..)

[Author's note 3: Not too good at writing tamil in english but hope I got across the effect]

S&G: [very tempted to tell her what it was was] Illai ma'am...ethumay illai...naanga chumma sirrikirom...(nothing ma'am...it ain't anything really...we are just laughing for the heck of it...)

[H.O.D tries extricating the 'incident' from them but to no avail..shakes her head in a "these modern-day girls are so weird" kinda way and goes home leaving heroines to themselves]

X: Ok...so listen you guys...get it into your heads...it's not funny...i'm not lesbian..come on ok...remember i had a crush on tarzan (a.k.a :JB) ..please..Just 'cos I don't have a boyfriend... and you know i'm not that desperate to have one either...

S: See that's the whole thing...it's about your willingness to give men a miss..
Oh damn gabby...So,that's what all this is really all about...See we better do something about this before she starts hitting on all of us...

Gab: [exchanges knowing looks with S&G] yeah...I think so..It's about time..See X, Don't worry ok...Just hang in there...only another 3 mths in this women's penitentiary.

After that...I'll personally help you get into a more "mixed" environment...

X: Ayyoooooo....I give up trying to convince you guys...For god's sake..please quit..I'm not lesbo...Neither am I desperate..

[S,Garf'lle and Gabby look at X with ironic smiles...]

Garf'lle: [one last shot ] See...anyway...I really don't think you should make up your mind without even sampling men first...

[X lunges and Garf'lle...and engage in mock Cat fight...]

[One last laugh and about 15 lesbian jokes later...everyone appears to have had their fill...]

[Four charlie's angels exit stage and the curtain drops.]

-----------------****************-------------------

Disclaimer:

All characters and incidents described are not ficitional.All compliments are intended and all insults are meant to be forgiven if not forgotten

The Author intends no disrespect to any of the above characters or Lesbians in general

[Author's note 4: The efficacy of the narration is seriously hampered by the fact that the author's exclamation key on the keyboard does'nt seem to be working...But she hopes that the reader nevertheless...is able to decipher where the characters are trying to...Well...exclaim..lol]

Confessions..

It is not my custom, (or perhaps since I have been blogging only 3 months, I have'nt yet established custom)
to post my everyday doodlings on my blog. And I have many. The back of my notebooks ,my canvas and the words my colour.

It is sitting in class, with a rather attentive and ever-so-earnest look on my face,the sort of look that makes even the most demonic of all profs assume a benign smile when (s)he beholds me, that I fill the void(sometimes self-induced...most times boredom induced) with words that are'nt worth a hoot to anyone else.

I scribble lyrics and lines of poems that I like. I try to write some of my own. But I have long since given up. I have realised that creativity in that sense , is not my forte. I simply cannot rhyme. Nor do I have much sense of rhythm myself. Although I can appreciate it otherwise.

Anyway, So ,as I was saying , It is not my custom to post doodlings. But this one is especially dear to me. Although it's a load of mush. Another thing, that for my own sake, I try not to indulge in too much.
But offlate, I have been feeling so god damn nostalgic about old times, friends long gone and past loves.(or whatever)

This is something I wrote a while back...When I fancied myself in love. Oh, I try,as part of self-preservation, to convince myself that if something does'nt work out , then it must have been imagined . That's why the "fancied". I'd rather believe that I was never really in love , and that 'that' was'nt the real thing than believe that life can be so infinitely disappointing. So ,even if it means self-delusion...lol

Anyway..here it is:

Confessions.

“Sorry.Don’t be that way”
“I love you”. That’s what you said
“I miss you”. Will I ever hear that?

Sorry. Will that bring you back?
You loved me? And yet pushed me away?
I miss you. But do you care?

Sorry.I have got to say it.
I loved you. You know that I did.
I miss you.Will I ever stop?


Sorry. But I’ve given up hope.
I loved you. And nothing changed.
I miss you. Could ‘we’ really have been?

Lady Chatterley's Lover

Lady Chatterley's Lover is a book I was first introduced to by my dad (suprise suprise). He told me about how scandalous it was considered and how it had been banned for more than 40 years before it was allowed to be published, because of the way it portrayed sex. Ever since that day , listening to this little piece of history in the literature section of Landmark( the biggest bookstore in town) , I have been intrigued. And now , after five years , I have finally read it. And all I can say is "Wow...."
Since it was written in 1928, I tried to picture my grandmom and co. read something like this and I could see exactly why it was banned.

The Sex part, now in the 21st century with the way people write, is'nt really a big deal. I cannot say it shocked me. It did'nt. It's what the author was trying to portray , allowing crude language to slip in to emphasize his point, that shocks. Well , I won't go into the story 'cos i want to reproduce an excerpt from the book.

The principal character (Lady Chatterley)lives with her crippled husband and therefore has no sexual life to speak of. And by and by , with her husband's consent she has intercourse with one or two of her husbands guests. (he does'nt mind so long as he does'nt know...and the man is not the sort of man he would despise personally...he tells her)But she is barely satified with the 'depth-less' relationship and even the sex. She finds none of them satisfactory as a lover .But one day she falls in love with his gamekeeper(a servant responsible for the grounds and game). And what happens after that is what the story is about. Now , the story in itself is again alright.Rich married woman , poor servant lover and all that.

What's strikingly different is that the woman yearns for sexual love as much as intellectual compatibility. She is tired of people only appreciating her mind and not wanting her body despite the fact that she is extremely attractive. That's what hit me as strange. She feels that men want to have sex with the idea of her as a intellectual , cultivated woman and not just because they are physically attracted to her.

Lawrence, I guess, wants his audience to appreciate that a woman is a sexual being too and has needs and that it is alright for her to want sex as one of the primary things in her relationship not just an emotional and intellectual companionship. The same way men have every right to feel that way. But, I think, he takes it too far. He makes it seem that a woman should want that first and foremost.

Reading , a book such as this ,with a perspective in a day and age where women complain about being treated solely as sexual objects and not taken seriously as intellectual equals , makes it so ironic. In fact at several points in the book...I wanted lawrence to have lived to see 2005. He might have been much pleased.

Anyway, here's an excerpt from the book:

" That's why I don't like to start thinking about you actually.It only tortures me, and it does you no good.I don't want you to be away from me.But if i start fretting it wastes something.Patience, always patience. This is my fortieth winter. And I can't help all the winters that have been.But this winter I'll stick to my little pentecost flame, and have some peace. And I won't let the breath of people blow it out.I believe in a higher mystery,that does'nt let even the crocus be blown out. And if you are in scotland and I'm in the midlands, and I can't put my arms around you , and wrap my legs around you , yet I've got something of you.My soul softly flaps in the little pentecost flame with you , like the peace of fucking.We fucked a flame into being.Even the flowers are fucked into being between the sun and the earth.But it's a delicate thing, and takes patience and the long pause.

So I love chastity now , because it is the peace that comes of fucking. I love being chaste now. I love it as snowdrops love the snow.I love this chastity, which is the pause of peace of fucking,between us now like a snowdrop of forked white fire.And when the real spring comes,when the drawing comes together comes , then we can fuck the little flame brilliant and yellow , brilliant.But not now, not yet.Now is the time to be chaste , it is so good to be chaste , like a river of cool water in my soul. I love the chastity now that it flows between us.It is like fresh water and rain.How can men want wearisomely to philander. What a misery to be like Don Juan , and impotent ever to fuck oneself into peace,and the little flame alight , impotent and unable to be chaste between whiles , as by a river.

Well, so many words, because I can't touch you.If I could sleep with my arms around you, the ink could stay in the bottle.We could be chaste together just as we can fuck together.But we have to be separate for a while , and I suppose it is really the wiser way.If only one were sure.

Never mind , Never mind , we won't get worked up.We really trust in the little flame , and in the unnamed god that shields it from being blown out. There's so much of you here with me , really , that it's a pity you are'nt all here."

This is from the last page of the book ,a letter the gamekeeper writes to Lady chatterley. Well all said and done...If you are an avid reader with an open mind, It is a must read. If not for anything else, just to see what shocked people so much in the 1930's.

Misbehaviour , Mexican Waves And Memories Of School

For a long time now , I've been trying to remember when it is exactly that I took to writing. For it seems as though I always have . But then again , until perhaps I was about 15 , all my writing was strictly for my own perusal , more of a vent to my private grievances against the world than anything else... and then I guess , I began to find in it , something more than that , perhaps a sort of enjoyment in the words itself , and how aesthetic and musical one could make them sound if one tried hard enough. I don't mean to sound pretentious and I'm quite sure the results of my efforts are perhaps a little more than mediocre...but I enjoy it and that's all that counts I suppose.

Anyway , In trying to establish when I began writing , I was looking through my old notebooks and diaries and the trip down memory lane was quite pleasing. One invariably ends up remembering loads of little things. Things you surprise yourself by remembering. And among the many memories I found one particular 'thing' that I had written that reminded me so much of school and it's 'nice-ness' ...I loved school..those were the best of my years. And I think all my classmates..or most would share my opinion. So I wanted to post the following for posterity. Something that I think I seem to have written when i began 11th std. This is for all my classmates..I wonder if u guys remember this...???

Like a mexican wave , we rose. The person sitting nearest to the door had stood up. And observing his sudden anxiety to deprive himself of his previously comfortable posture , his friend stood up and so like ripples in a pond ,consequently , did we all rise . It was like stimulus and reaction . When someone stood up , the rest of the class invariably did.

Offlate ,however , the delayed reactions seemed to mar the beauty of the thing , making our beautiful mexican wave into something that resembled a plot by an ECG machine. And the blame was all to be dumped on the ingenious soul that occupied the important and life-saving position of the class sentry.The guy who was responsible for listening for footsteps of an approaching teacher , checking to see if it was really one and shushing the class into silence ,to save it from a fate equal to death...Lectures on discipline.

Well, one day he realised, perhaps by accident that we stood up only when he did and only if he did. (a lot of false alarms by other idiotic students trying to alarm us, by standing up all of a sudden, and amusing themselves ,watching us scurry to get up , had left us an extremely untrustworthy lot. And now we trusted only our sentry. Self-appointed and therefore bound to be sincere is what we thought)

Possessing a scientific temperament , and in a position to observe this seemingly strange phenomenon , it tickled him no doubt to indulge in a series of 'trial-runs' , for practice perhaps to make sure , he got the same result with each repetition of the experiment.

For crying out loud , he had taken to suddenly standing up for the sheer thrill of watching us all jump up...he was getting as bad as those other idiots who had tried it before him. But this was a different. Entirely so. He was untouchable. Even when he grinned and burst out laughing , the guys would curb their urge to let him have a piece of their fist and the girls would swallow the shrieking telling off they would have dished out to any other soul that dared try this sort of stunt.

But not he… he was the man.what would happened if he relinquished his post and ceased looking out for us .(quite literally) . Well it would’nt do to even imagine. Disrespect , according to our teachers , was manifest in our every turn of head. We were supposed conspirators in a giant conspiracy to shame the teaching profession. Not getting up and greeting them as they entered was a grievious crime.

Well, It was’nt as though we had to leave much to our imagination . Considering that we had bear the consequences of such “misbehaviour” on more than 20 previous occasions. The first forty minutes of a forty minute period devoted entirely to picking on each and every one of our shortcomings as a person (we’d each have our turn as the target) and collectively as a “bratty” class.

But we were like soldiers , sensing the end of a war. Much bloodied by the incessant battle and about ready to declare ourselves spent. We had two years to go and our youthful rebellion seemed to be failing us,battered by old voices screaming treason..None of us felt able to the task of dealing with it .It was too much to ask the most lion-hearted of us to endure. And so the boys usually resorted to pretending like they were hard of hearing and the girls looked remorseful and bitched about the teachers in their head.(and later quite loudly) and I, well I alternated between both , occasionally stupid enough to argue but I quickly learned that was futile.

“We respected our elders when we were twerps like you…” and other such assorted pleasantries formed a daily diet that we were force fed. They knew it was no use yelling at us or lecturing or anything and yet perhaps deep down they knew that we listened to their lectures on our miserable behaviour more than we listened to their class...(Out of fear...'cos the extent of our misbehaviour was directly proportional to our punishment..and that was something we had to listen out for.) So, well yeah…I guess you could conclude that people love to be heard.

The younger , slightly more zealous teachers , actually thought they could “reform” us . Boy. Were they in for disappointment. They conjectured that a little physical discomfort might make us “adangafy” (toe the line …so to speak). But that only made us more hardened than ever. So being asked to stand for an hour (sometimes even up on the bench …can u believe that…15 yr olds… The humiliation…The injustice) or threats to leave the classroom produce little or no alteration in our efforts to be model students. (for god’s sake they just did’nt get the fact that to most of us it did’nt get any better than going to school and persuading a teacher that we are too terrible to be taught…)

But on the other hand , standing in one’s place or on one’s bench , with little leg room and no place to squirm either , holding one’s 3kg math or physics book in one hand trying desperately to write with the other, was’nt easy. You’d know what I mean , if you’ve been subjected to it.

The dilemma of it. To rebel against the forces of oppression or meekly succumb to inhuman treatment. Not much of a choice. And therefore , did we hate our Mr.Smarty Pants sentry who amused himself at our expense at such high costs or what???

Usually , the memory of punishment would linger atleast a couple of days.A painful reminder in the form of a strained calf muscle or a catch in the stomach. Why the stomach…one might wonder…well that is due to human nature. See the thing about 15 yr olds is that when they are punished as a group the most natural thing to do …is to keep quiet for the first couple of minutes… then catch a comrade in suffering’s eye…and smile. The smile triggers a chuckle and this occurs as a sort of chain reaction. You catch A’s eye and exchange smile and chuckle A in turn catches B’s eyes and exchanges the smile and chuckle and so on. And in a while…you find the whole class is chuckling…Then is the transition period. About a minute for everyone in the class to realize that everyone else is chuckling… Now that is when everyone abandons all previous restraint. All hell breaks loose and the class is now in what is known as “splits”

Thus the culmination of a lecture on bad behaviour is laughter which in our teachers eyes was always suspect since it was always supposedly at her(his) expense (which it was ofcourse) and was considered even worse behaviour. And thus the eternal vicious cycle would begin again.

P.S: I have lived to tell the tale… I always had this knack of getting away with blue murder…attribute it to my charming and mischievous smile.:-)

Moral of the story

1)Always have friends who are notorious and horribly anti-authority (Vishnu et al buddy…that means you ) that means you always come off as a nice person , who might be a good influence on notorious friend
2)It helps if you are charming…Not sure if that is cultivatable though.
3)What seems torturous at one stage in your life , we look back on with so much fondness.

For all my classmates at school…(I think I’m a little high..) I love you guys.Those were great years. Surprisingly , I think of all of you quite fondly…even though some of you made it a trifle difficult for me…Jyotsi , kothari , smiths , abhin , pish , mags …we were a great gang…,akila and gang..i’ve known u forever… , lena , abhiram ,tommy,soumya and sandeep (our resident Romeo and Juliet) ...well it was fun… and to my supposed “ex-flame” ….you know who you are…lol…you were the class act in a class of class acts.., adarsh , nabs , boondi kunal and all the guys basically…thanks for teaching me patience and how to like assholes…it's something that will come very much in handy in a world filled with assholes...lol..Vishnu , visram …for being great buddies… And Mags for everything...you are the best....

God…definitely totally drunk…

Mi Primer Amor:Tenis Y Deportes En General

Guillermo Garcia-Lopez I salute you.Yesterday was a display of sheer guts , talent and amazing attitude. You played like a true warrior. Whatever one might say about the underdog and how he has nothing to lose and therefore can play his best game, it requires absolute courage and great temperament to play the way you did against Moya , a worthy opponent , if there ever was one . ( Although yesterday he did struggle , but maybe that's 'cos you did'nt give him one inch of leverage!)

Having the entire stadium screaming your opponents name , and asking for your downfall cannot but be intimidating. But for every shout of "Moya" , you whacked , whipped , smashed the ball so punishingly to show him and everyone else what tennis and competition was all about. Boy! It was so sad to see you lose , for you truly deserved to win...(lol..actually getting poetic..but yesterday was simply brilliant!). Ultimately , your game was truly gutsy , an exhibition of your awesome talent , and I was thoroughly impressed and consider myself an admirer of your style. (not to say that that means anything..but anyway..lol..). I'm sure you'll go places and I sure hope you come back to play in chennai next year.

Anyway , Yesterday was great! After a long time...I was so excited about something I was witnessing . I LOVE TENNIS. And I love sports. But tennis is my first love. Something I spent eight years of my life playing. And still do occasionally. (like about twice a year..much to my dismay!) . I can go into raptures about every aspect of it and I'm one of those terribly passionate sport afficionados. The kinds that will scream herself hoarse at a match...( although , never during a point , unlike some assholes who have no concept of how it distracts a player when you scream when he's serving or whatever...pieces of crap ,with no bloody sense , that think its funny ...they should be thrown out of the stadium...) ..

I love a good game the kind where every point is fought for. And the match is even. It brings out the best in both players. And the atmosphere is charged, electric even .(like this one really memorable time , when Boris Becker came to madras and the whole stadium was screaming his name , mexican waves and all...boy! that was great...although he subsequently lost...) . Will never forget playing a couple of rallies with Richard Krajicek and getting introduced to him by my coach as a talented young itty bit. ( I was twelve then , it was my life's high point..lol.. Damn ! those were some days...playing tennis , dreaming of wimbledon and school somewhere in the background...lol...bliss!) . Ok looks like , this is gonna be a reminescing thingie after all...lol...Just don't ask me what happened to tennis and the dreams...

Although I enjoy watching and playing many games , the one I enjoy watching the most is soccer (never had oppurtunity to play soccer seriously , just for fun when i used to play tennis and it rained and we could'nt use the clay courts..)...although I must admit that I am a tournament soccer fan. Only watch it everytime there is a big tournament , like last year's Euro 2004. and the FIFA World Cup and stuff.. (that's when the best soccer happens anyway , when people play for their countries ) and the occasions when dad's watching and I know the team that is playing..(well I know like 4-5 english teams , 3-4 italian teams and ofcourse spanish league.)

So yeah , Although I hate being a sheep , when it comes to being a sports , I put aside my uppity attitude and scream along with the rest of the crowd. There is so much talent to be appreciated. I guess playing a lot of sports or even only one, at any level, gives you an appreciation of the immense talent , hard work and sacrifice required to perform at such a high level , so consistently. And I bow down in appreciation to all sportspeople for that.

My Not-So-Pretty Predicament And Other Ramblings

My long sabbatical has ended. In the past month , although I have suffered no lack of subjects to write about , I have ailed greatly (and much!).
Writer's block (or wanna-be writer's block , as the case may be) is nothing to be scoffed at. It's symptoms are purely psychological but just as painful as any physical ailment.

You know you have writer's block :

1)When you , someone who probably enjoys being the opposite of laconic (whatever the word for that is) , can't get out a single , seemingly coherent sentence. And if even you do manage it. It is very far from satisfactory.

2) When you make as much use of the delete/backspace key as you do any other key.

3)When you attempt to write and the words simply don't flow , you stare at your monitor with a pained look that might make a neutral observer conclude that you are suffering from acute constipation.

4)When you suddenly start questioning the "point of everything" , because nothing seems worthwhile enough as subject matter...Or atleast you feel particularly impotent in terms of making it seem interesting enough ...as a hindi saying goes..(and i don't know too much hindi so forgive me if i write it wrong) "Naach na aaye tho aangan theda" ..which i think roughly translates to : if you can't dance ,blame it on the floor that is uneven.

5) When you suffer from PMS like symptoms such as extreme irritation, snappishness and moody behaviour all due to the inability to express what ,at best, might be termed ramblings.

6) When you feel you can totally relate to Joseph Fiennes in 'shakespeare in love' , in the scene in his attic where he just keeps writing about 5 lines and crushing the paper and throwing it into the grate repeatedly.

I wish I had a grate...watching the paper burn has got to be more satisfying than clicking delete.

Now, the thing about writer's block is , one is so dismissive of it (before one is afflicted by it) and one does'nt bother to comprehend it's capacity to cause so much restlessness and therefore discord. Secondly, one never sees it coming. No warning signs.It is absolutely impossible to predict. It comes out of nowhere , just when you have settled into a self-contented sort of writing style and it rocks your world. And stops it even .( if you would allow me to be dramatic..lol)

So yeah, I wanted to write about a lot of things.And yet, somehow I was'nt able to manage it. I had some pretty hilarious occurences (for lack of a better phrase....lol..i'm still suffering after-effects..not being articulate enough!) There was this one instance especially that I shall fondly remember for a while...because of what I refer to as it's high "hilarious quotient" .

There was this 35 year old guy(he looked that old) that we happened to share the same room with in a music recording shop. One of those places where you pay them to burn you really old songs, or rare ones that are hard to find. So , a friend and I were browsing through their collection and this guy was obviously eavesdropping. Which is really fine by me because in public one must expect for other people to listen and therefore avoid talking about things that you don't want other people to hear.

So anyway, every now and then he would make comments on the songs I mentioned or the albums and try and say something smart or clever..well , that is to say he tried. It was'nt smart or clever...but we tolerated him as he did'nt really mean any harm..perhaps a friendly soul who was just trying to be helpful. I think he took the fact that we did'nt ask him to buzz off right in the beginning as encouragement . And was trying to keep alive a conversation in which two of the three participants(me and my friend) were extremely reluctant. He should have got the hint. But no! he was trying so badly to impress us by telling us things like he was a DJ..(like 15 years ago..so who cares..not like I would care if he was one even now.) ...

And then he tried all sorts of lines on us , kept dropping names of famous people he knew , of how smart we seemed and how we seemed to have very good taste in music...(yeah right...he's the ultimate judge of music taste...definitely....we needed your approval buddy!)

And the best part was he did'nt stop with that, he just went on and on...about his life , his music taste , his doings..And kept asking us about stuff which i we usually either ignored or gave him smart aleck replies. I mean the guy did'nt take a hint...we were trying to snub him and then ignore him alternately...( I think pretending to not hear what he's saying constitutes that...), but he just persisted doggedly on. I really don't know what he was trying to prove. That he could interest a couple of 20 yr olds by acting 20 when he was probably past 35.

Well one this is for sure...we did get a lot of kicks out of allowing that guy to talk and shove his foot deeper and deeper into his mouth . If I remember rightly, at some point he actually so much as tried to hint about the size of his umm..'equipment'...I mean for god's sake...what a dope! He probably thought he was being clever and subtle...but he was coming off sounding like a completely desperate boor...lol...Maybe he was drunk (but in the day time??) Me and atticus (my friend) were so amused and absolutely dying from trying not to laugh in his face.(and i think at some points we actually did...and he still did'nt get it..pah!)

Actually, these wanna-be studs are the salt of the earth...absolutely priceless....so long as they restrict themselves to harmless trying-to-flirt and even foot-in-mouth stuff , they are hilarious to encounter as strangers...'cos they try lines on you that ...well..now is where I lose words to express how ridiculous they sound. Anyway , that was fun.

Then , there was my trip to fisherman's cove (which post facto is now suffering severe damages due to the tsunami and all that) which was nothing short of bliss. I mean two days in that resort and you can resign yourself to living there forever , perfectly contented. (Now, with tsunamis and things, i'm wary about staying 20 mts from the beach front.)

Plus there was christmas, which turned out to be not so bad. And ofcourse New Year sucked as usual.Well I suppose indifference can't fuel any sort of expression.So, that left me in the throes of despondency. Indifference plus writer's block is a sad state of affairs. (lol...)

So that was the tail end of my 2004. Now, 2005 on the other hand..did'nt have a bang-up start , and it's likely to be work , more work and still more work. And now, with all this work , I find that I am finally recovering. I write again. (the key part...i don't immidiately want to delete it..although that urge may hit me later..lol) .

How great and wonderful life is. When you have all the time in the world (theoretically one can have all the time in the world whenever one chooses...just measure it from a different frame of reference that's moving at the right velocity w.r.t yours ....lol.. too much special theory *, i know! ) you are unable to write even though u really want to. But when you are really strapped for every second , the words come pouring forth and so you put off other stuff to indulge in a hobby.

*Am currently wicked fond of relativity...it's the first thing in about a year that has had me animated and very enthusiastic about studying.

Anyway, I think for a sort of come-back , this will have to do. (The author pats her own back and welcomes herself back) . Hopefully no relapses are on the chart. And to all fellow sufferers , my sincere sympathy. I hope you get well soon.