Wednesday, February 14, 2007

love. Do you know? It has filled my being with so much. So much! I cannot venture further. I cannot describe it, although I have tried in vain. Not realising, that perhaps love was not meant to be explained, nor even shared, that It is personal, that there is no one else who can possible feel exactly as I do and there is no experience thus far comparable, so can I even draw a likeness?

Declarations and gestures are an outcome of the experience , not the experience itself.
I can tell you i'm ecstatic but you can't know how I much I actually feel. Wanting to make you see what I see and feel what I feel is somewhat akin to trying to describe what the ocean inspires in me. I can only close my eyes and feel. I must stop in time, live the moment and let my senses dwell on the sand slipping under each fading footstep, the wind brushing that strand of hair across my face, the smell of the sea that is so unique, the sounds of the waves crashing against the shore. The force, the beauty, the wonder of it all ,the entire experience, is a sensory overload, and simply defies description , exactly like being in love.

So, I will not try. I will only say this. It is unlike anything I could have imagined. It is beautiful. It is overwhelming. To think about it, inspires no further light on the whats and hows , only the discovery that warm tears are coursing down my face. I close my eyes and let the tears fall, knowing that what I feel is love. I draw the image of your smiling brown eyes in my mind , full of love, your voice, your smile ... I'm just picturing it all now..

Holding me, teasing me, laughing, your awkward dancing , reaching out for my hand every time I sit next to you, much to my surprise- even in front of your friends, driving with one hand, despite my protestations, just so you can continue to hold mine with the other, insisting I shift gears , you kissing my cheek, you sitting across me with that silly, over-dramatised smitten look on your face, your eternal clowning ... I don't lack imageries... They come flooding forth - thousands of them - with such an immense warmth attached to them that it seems like all my thoughts of you are almost literally 'tagged' with affection and love..

Love, if i know anything about it, is about now.. It's about this very moment.. And I wonder if you know, sitting at your desk , that I am thinking about you.. so fondly.. That at this moment I love you like I have never loved before.

------- Posted with permission to reprint , Remember? :)

Sunday, February 11, 2007

I feel like such a little child today. I am possesive. I have a secret and I want to bury it. I do not want to share. But oh.. yet I want to revel in it.. I want everyone to know that I found something so wonderful, I want to gloat , I want to scream.. I have found such a little treasure!!!

Perhaps it's not a big deal to all you adults out there.. You reservoirs of staidness and impassivity.. Mock my childish exhilaration if you will.. Perhaps, It is just an uncommon little pebble to you.. But I think I found a gem.. It's shiny and pretty as the day! I found something that I never expected to.. And I'm euphoric!

I am usually so averse to advertising anything on my blog : But I make an exception:

Check it out!!

You will see: It is a record label. Now, what's so special about that? They make 'world music' records. Nothing new there either. I found it in a little picturesque town. Nestled in a corner, in a quaint shop on a long and narrow cobbled stone street. I stumbled in there quite serendipitously and happened to hear the most beautifully rhythmic folksy tune I'd ever heard.. I was so excited, I asked the very obliging sales assistant what music it was and she was kind enough to allow me to sample four of their cds in her store, unmindful of what other customers might feel .. and ofcourse, I loved it so much I spent a bomb buying just two of them!!

All the way back on the bus I couldn't sit still. I rushed home, just so I could open my little package and delight in my little discovery, dumped my stuff on the floor and plopped the cd in.. And just chilled for an hour!

What a mood the music creates!! I abso-fuckin'-lutely LOVE it!! Smitten as I am, I googled and found more! Managed to sample their other stuff online and have made up my mind to buy two cds a month or something especially the latin and african and european stuff.

The blues are nice.. But then I have been listening to the blues for a while now.. and I've heard better. The other stuff is what really appealed to me.. It's just so.. exotic to my ears.. I feel like i'm in a french movie or something when I listen to it! (Funnily one of the compilations (I bought this one and it's marvellous) is called French Cafe' and let me tell you.. It's exactly the kind of thing they play in a french cafe - especially one very memorable one in Rennes)

The thing about this kind of music is that you need to start off with compilations like this. Unfortunately, you can't just start up your favourite P2P and get everythin g you want because these are indigenous music groups. IF you are not familiar with the style yourself already, it's very difficult to wade into it. Imagine a foreigner trying to get into carnatic music just with the internet!

Oh, I'm sooo excited!! Just can't wait for more!

P.S: Brugges is a beautiful town... A post on that soon hopefully! Oh and dutch classes start tomorrow.. Looking forward to that as well. All in all , life is getting full. Here's to full days and content dreamless nights!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

So I cried.. Well sobbed is more like it.. Twice!! During what is commonly considered a comedy!
I don't know.. I feel such utter sadness when I see old people suffering, even if it on screen.

It must be hard to be old. Your body is weak and you are weary. Yet, you have to trudge along. Maybe even alone. The world has passed you by. Everything is different .You have to struggle to just keep up. And no one will let you be. The grandkids dismiss you or just plain old ignore you. The kids are too busy to stop and say hello. Your opinion is not valued anymore. Everyone is so impatient with you. You have to put up with patronising comments and a general air of condescension, if you are lucky. On the flip side, you can be outright made to feel unwanted. And all the while, there is the remembrance of your youth that constantly rings in your head. It can't be easy knowing that you aren't needed (except maybe emotionally) by anybody.

Fate can deal you a worse hand - You don't have family that cares enough to help you out. You are poor as a church mouse. You struggle through everyday. Thank God for religion... It's for lives that may hold no joy , no reason or logic.. It's the occupation of hearts that yearn for hope.

Old people, pay no heed - pride comes before the fall - their time will come! Chant your mantras, pray to your gods, occupy your minds, pass your time .. Insulate yourself from the reality that has left you behind .. It maybe your only comfort!

Saturday, February 03, 2007

There is so much beauty in the harmony of two voices I could almost cry ! Today, I happened to hear a rendition of Raghuvamsa sudha and Vathapi Ganapathim , the only two carnatic pieces I can honestly recognize beyond doubt . It was sung by the now quite acclaimed Ranjani and Gayatri sisters.

The truth is I find myself falling in love with carnatic music. Not just because of what I heard today. It's been building over the years.. One of my best friends plays the violin. And ofcourse on the mater's side there has always been quite a lot of the carnatic buzz happening... I learned to really like the instrumental stuff quite some time ago..But I just didn't get the singing. I mean, I didn't 'feel' it. I could appreciate that what I was hearing was beautiful but it didn't strike a chord.

For a long , long time I thought there was no "Bhaav" or atleast not as much bhaav in carnatic music as I thought music ought to have. But I guess , I just didn't know.. It's altogether a different language and you need to understand it before you can judge. I made a mistake. But, that's easily rectified. I know that there is an ocean to discover and I'm so excited. Almost as excited as I was when I first began exploring jazz a couple of years ago. I guess it's time hadn't come. I was too busy listening to all the music I did already know a little about.

I've been having a lot of these little musical revelations. And everytime I want to jump up and down for joy, listen to lots and lots of that kind of music, talk to somebody about it, ask their opinions , ask for direction.. But it's such a shame that I don't really know enough musically inclined people.

For quite a while now, I've been interested in hindustani music. I found a piece in Indian Ocean's music that reminded of how much I need to be listening to it. I love the sound of a human voice singing a raga. It is so exquisite and pure. And when there is emotion in the music it is all the more beautiful.

When I was in madras last month, I remember watching Andrea Bocelli on tv, he was singing a duet with this beautiful black woman who had a voice that could only just match his. Not that she wasn't magnificent in her own right.. He was just in a class of his own.. His voice..

I'm listening to a lot of opera too.. Well, to be honest not a lot, but some.. I got my hands on a collection.. It seems quite nice.. Very classic pieces. Anyway, I'm sure it's good enough place to start off from..

Anyway, what with the internet, I won't need to try too hard to get all the music I want to listen to.

Here's to new beginnings..