My Not-So-Pretty Predicament And Other Ramblings

My long sabbatical has ended. In the past month , although I have suffered no lack of subjects to write about , I have ailed greatly (and much!).
Writer's block (or wanna-be writer's block , as the case may be) is nothing to be scoffed at. It's symptoms are purely psychological but just as painful as any physical ailment.

You know you have writer's block :

1)When you , someone who probably enjoys being the opposite of laconic (whatever the word for that is) , can't get out a single , seemingly coherent sentence. And if even you do manage it. It is very far from satisfactory.

2) When you make as much use of the delete/backspace key as you do any other key.

3)When you attempt to write and the words simply don't flow , you stare at your monitor with a pained look that might make a neutral observer conclude that you are suffering from acute constipation.

4)When you suddenly start questioning the "point of everything" , because nothing seems worthwhile enough as subject matter...Or atleast you feel particularly impotent in terms of making it seem interesting enough ...as a hindi saying goes..(and i don't know too much hindi so forgive me if i write it wrong) "Naach na aaye tho aangan theda" ..which i think roughly translates to : if you can't dance ,blame it on the floor that is uneven.

5) When you suffer from PMS like symptoms such as extreme irritation, snappishness and moody behaviour all due to the inability to express what ,at best, might be termed ramblings.

6) When you feel you can totally relate to Joseph Fiennes in 'shakespeare in love' , in the scene in his attic where he just keeps writing about 5 lines and crushing the paper and throwing it into the grate repeatedly.

I wish I had a grate...watching the paper burn has got to be more satisfying than clicking delete.

Now, the thing about writer's block is , one is so dismissive of it (before one is afflicted by it) and one does'nt bother to comprehend it's capacity to cause so much restlessness and therefore discord. Secondly, one never sees it coming. No warning signs.It is absolutely impossible to predict. It comes out of nowhere , just when you have settled into a self-contented sort of writing style and it rocks your world. And stops it even .( if you would allow me to be dramatic..lol)

So yeah, I wanted to write about a lot of things.And yet, somehow I was'nt able to manage it. I had some pretty hilarious occurences (for lack of a better phrase....lol..i'm still suffering after-effects..not being articulate enough!) There was this one instance especially that I shall fondly remember for a while...because of what I refer to as it's high "hilarious quotient" .

There was this 35 year old guy(he looked that old) that we happened to share the same room with in a music recording shop. One of those places where you pay them to burn you really old songs, or rare ones that are hard to find. So , a friend and I were browsing through their collection and this guy was obviously eavesdropping. Which is really fine by me because in public one must expect for other people to listen and therefore avoid talking about things that you don't want other people to hear.

So anyway, every now and then he would make comments on the songs I mentioned or the albums and try and say something smart or clever..well , that is to say he tried. It was'nt smart or clever...but we tolerated him as he did'nt really mean any harm..perhaps a friendly soul who was just trying to be helpful. I think he took the fact that we did'nt ask him to buzz off right in the beginning as encouragement . And was trying to keep alive a conversation in which two of the three participants(me and my friend) were extremely reluctant. He should have got the hint. But no! he was trying so badly to impress us by telling us things like he was a DJ..(like 15 years ago..so who cares..not like I would care if he was one even now.) ...

And then he tried all sorts of lines on us , kept dropping names of famous people he knew , of how smart we seemed and how we seemed to have very good taste in music...(yeah right...he's the ultimate judge of music taste...definitely....we needed your approval buddy!)

And the best part was he did'nt stop with that, he just went on and on...about his life , his music taste , his doings..And kept asking us about stuff which i we usually either ignored or gave him smart aleck replies. I mean the guy did'nt take a hint...we were trying to snub him and then ignore him alternately...( I think pretending to not hear what he's saying constitutes that...), but he just persisted doggedly on. I really don't know what he was trying to prove. That he could interest a couple of 20 yr olds by acting 20 when he was probably past 35.

Well one this is for sure...we did get a lot of kicks out of allowing that guy to talk and shove his foot deeper and deeper into his mouth . If I remember rightly, at some point he actually so much as tried to hint about the size of his umm..'equipment'...I mean for god's sake...what a dope! He probably thought he was being clever and subtle...but he was coming off sounding like a completely desperate boor...lol...Maybe he was drunk (but in the day time??) Me and atticus (my friend) were so amused and absolutely dying from trying not to laugh in his face.(and i think at some points we actually did...and he still did'nt get it..pah!)

Actually, these wanna-be studs are the salt of the earth...absolutely priceless....so long as they restrict themselves to harmless trying-to-flirt and even foot-in-mouth stuff , they are hilarious to encounter as strangers...'cos they try lines on you that ...well..now is where I lose words to express how ridiculous they sound. Anyway , that was fun.

Then , there was my trip to fisherman's cove (which post facto is now suffering severe damages due to the tsunami and all that) which was nothing short of bliss. I mean two days in that resort and you can resign yourself to living there forever , perfectly contented. (Now, with tsunamis and things, i'm wary about staying 20 mts from the beach front.)

Plus there was christmas, which turned out to be not so bad. And ofcourse New Year sucked as usual.Well I suppose indifference can't fuel any sort of expression.So, that left me in the throes of despondency. Indifference plus writer's block is a sad state of affairs. (lol...)

So that was the tail end of my 2004. Now, 2005 on the other hand..did'nt have a bang-up start , and it's likely to be work , more work and still more work. And now, with all this work , I find that I am finally recovering. I write again. (the key part...i don't immidiately want to delete it..although that urge may hit me later..lol) .

How great and wonderful life is. When you have all the time in the world (theoretically one can have all the time in the world whenever one chooses...just measure it from a different frame of reference that's moving at the right velocity w.r.t yours ....lol.. too much special theory *, i know! ) you are unable to write even though u really want to. But when you are really strapped for every second , the words come pouring forth and so you put off other stuff to indulge in a hobby.

*Am currently wicked fond of relativity...it's the first thing in about a year that has had me animated and very enthusiastic about studying.

Anyway, I think for a sort of come-back , this will have to do. (The author pats her own back and welcomes herself back) . Hopefully no relapses are on the chart. And to all fellow sufferers , my sincere sympathy. I hope you get well soon.