I went to the theatre today after a really long time (have taken to renting all the movies i want to watch ), the only decent multiplex in madras.Apart from seeing half the girls from my college there, which i should have expected on a sunday afternoon , i was pleasantly surprised to find that madras contains good looking men. Even if only a small fraction of the general junta.
Now this may shock you. And i mean no offense to all the guys here who think highly of their physical attributes.But i have always carried the impression that madras was seriously deficient of really good looking chaps.Now this is'nt just my warped idea. I have found many girls i know and several i don't know except as acquaintances , feel the much same. Ofcourse , we don't mean that there are none at all but when u compare with a city like b'lore which seems to be flooded with the "hero" types, that's how it appears.
Now , that's really not a big deal. I sort of just accepted it as one of nature's anomalies. We can't expect uniform distribution of good looks. Or intelligence or anything. Things in real life are never ideal. Besides , i consoled myself with believing that atleast guys in madras make up by seriously contributing to the brains department.(my city's pride..lol)
The only people of any interest to me , are the intelligent and the good looking . Oh does'nt that make me sound chauvinistic, infact sound like a guy!!!(lol...;-) ) But i have good reason and i don't mean to say that i don't value people who are neither...that is not what i mean at all. It's just that when all one intends is to know someone as a casual acquaintance , or as someone else's boyfriend and all u're expected to do is to meet up with them every now and then and sit around a small table or on a couch and sip coffee. It really does make the process more enjoyable if they fall into one of the above two categories. I really don't care if he's "really really nice" except ofcourse in a superficial way to be glad that my friend(s) (and I) know a "nice" guy...rare as they are!!
So if he's intelligent , we'd atleast have some sort of a conversation.And if he's just good looking then atleast the meaningless chitter chatter is easily attended to , and the awkward silences are pleasant 'cos atleast u can just gaze at the guy in an expectant sort of manner as if waiting for him to drop some pearls of wisdom your way while subtly appreciating god's handiwork that is his gorgeous self. Usually , however, by then someone at the table has said something .lol...and the awkwardness of silence gets broken...and one has to go back to the pretence of being interested in a mundane conversation.
Anyway , getting back to madras and it's guy population. I sort of figured that my theory could'nt possibly be right. Despite my above statement about nature's anomalies!! Come on...it makes sense mathematically that more or less there have to be approximately the same fraction of hot fellas..ie the same ratio as in any other place. So how is it that when i am in commercial street or brigade road in b'lore , i seem to come across so many guys who could land modeling contracts (i mentioned this to a couple of guys i know...and they said the same thing about the girls in b'lore...lol.. ) It can't be that b'lore filled with beautiful people and we are'nt. So I seriously started examining this , 'cos it was just not statistically probable.
Here's what i came up with: Until pretty recently , there was'nt any one place that the youth of madras converged upon. In the sense that there is no commercial street or brigade's here!( please , if u're gonna suggest pondy bazaar..i beg that u refrain...it bears no similarity) So , the haunts are usually elliots beach , spencer's (offlate...but that has a mixed crowd...) and a couple of other coffee pubs distributed about the city...ofcourse this is night life apart..That's one place where goodlooking people seem to sprout out of nowhere from. Where are all of these people during the day... Since i did'nt see 'em , I made the erroneous assumption of doubting their existence.
Today , however , I stand corrected. Satyam (the multiplex) , apart from the usual crowd of losers that just hang around endlessly , seemed to be buzzing with madras's youth. And it afforded me such relief . I don't mind being wrong when the consequences are pleasant.
Lol...well ,much good that discovery does for me anyhow. Wow..and i began intending to write about "Ocean's Twelve" which is the movie i went to see this afternoon. Well apart from hooting everytime george clooney came on...and the rather nice screen play..the movie is disappointing... It is so predictably unpredictable. The plot was highly ridiculous and much too laboured upon . Instead of coming through as complex , it ended up seeming all tangled up.Steven soderbergh would do well to remember that sequels usually suck!!!! (atleast they are definitely disappointing as compared to the first one...especially when there are too many stars and this one definitely falls into that category) .But it was definitely not a waste of time.Even though the plot was dumb , the dialogue was great and hilarious. Had me totally cracked up. Catherine Zeta-Jones can't act for nuts!!! Although she did look gorgeous, which is all the guys really care about i suppose. lol.. Well in any case, It was a fun movie , and that's all one must expect i suppose...Entertainment!!
Sunday, December 12, 2004
I went to the theatre today after a really long time (have taken to renting all the movies i want to watch ), the only decent multiplex in madras.Apart from seeing half the girls from my college there, which i should have expected on a sunday afternoon , i was pleasantly surprised to find that madras contains good looking men. Even if only a small fraction of the general junta.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Aaah.... it's christmas time and i don't yet have that familiar buzz of excitement , that high that i normally reach by about 10th december.. i'm hoping another two days' will do the trick 'cos so far...nothing , zilch , zero , nada!
Christmas has always been really really special to me...it's nothing religious at all ,i guess it's just one of those few times in the year when only good things seem to happen , or atleast we all try so hard to keep it that way! We always celebrated christmas at my cousin's place in b'lore...somehow that city seems to have so much more of the christmas spirit that madras does...although i do love madras dearly! Maybe it's 'cos the shops there go all out at christmas time .Commercial Street is abuzz , decorated to the hilt , busy and beautiful . I suppose that in itself lends to a general feeling of celebration.
I suspect however that the most important thing is, the fact that my dad's entire family pretty much comes down to b'lore every christmas and all of us get together , like 30 of us...(i have a huge family) over 24th and 25th , each person promising themselves that they would'nt squabble with anyone until atleast it's 26th and christmas is over!!
So , i'm used to being surrounded by aunts , uncles , cousins , neices and nephews and doing the same old thing every year.
A ritual that was so comforting by it's unchanging nature. Ofcourse , this year all that has changed , my only sibling , an 18-yr old brat of a brother has gone off to college and does'nt get off for christmas so we are'nt going to b'lore at all...
Damn it all! No spending ages and ages shopping for decorations on commercial street last minute , No fooling around trying to decorate our rather over-grown christmas tree with atleast 10 other people ranging from 8-28 yrs in age , No arguing over who gets to put up the star , No pushing , shoving , breaking glass bulbs that belong on the tree not in bits on the floor , NO SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES with my cousins!!!!
I feel exceedingly nostalgic , I can picture all the fun I had taking ages to get dressed to go to church on christmas-eve at night...the one night i shed my don't-care attitude for a please-let-me-look-respectable one.. Buying presents for my cousins and everyone..Going to church on 24th night...seeing everyone so wonderfully dressed. All the boys I knew , seem to have grown up, in their suits they look absolutely handsome !
Oh god...i'm actually managing to sound wistful...well i'm sure gonna miss all of it..I always knew it would happen eventually but now it kills me that i'm no longer gonna be part of that tradition!
Well, since i've rambled a lot about my christmas i might as well complete the picture... Carols...there would be not much of a christmas without them... Jim Reeves and his baritone that's what really makes me feel it's christmas. My cousins and assorted relations singing in all manner of voices , most out of key , glasses of wine and whisky in hand , late 24th night , after church , seated in a room far too small to hold the 30 or so of us... ofcourse we usually start with carols and by the end of the session end up singing konkani love songs...lol.. the second part of which ,though , my contribution is pretty minimal...except as an enthusiastic spectator.
Wine...although i don't have much...flows...lol.. pretty much the entire time and we have a party 25th night...Christmas day lunch is the product of much planning and atleast two days of preparation. Plum Cake and Christmas Pudding ! Not gonna even try and describe the awesome rum-filled taste of that... although i don't drink much i'm sure that just the amount of rum i consume by eating my aunt's cake should be enough to get me high..(meaning that there is a lot of rum..not just that i eat lots of cake..lol)
Oh well I think I had better stop lest i sound like a sentimental sop....but the memories are so fond ...that it's hard.. hopefully christmas in madras won't be quite as disappointing as i envision. Infact i'm sort of picturing the worst , so hopfully it'll turn out slightly better...
Well , Merry Christmas Everyone...(slightly early , i realise..but not by all that much..)
One question that most of us get asked at some point in time or the other is , what kind of person we would want to be with. Strictly speaking, that's an unfair question because it's extremely changeable. In the sense , that as we grow older our idea of what is important to us changes , or perhaps as some of my more cynical acquaintances would have me say , we just get a little desperate and are more willing to compromise on all those numerous things that we once held absolutely rigid like fetishes about height or any sort of physical appearance and even character traits.
So, ofcourse if one chooses to answer such a question at all , we must only talk about our present state of mind and not how things might be in the future.. like for example i remember a couple of years back thinking that i would never drink , or have sex before i got married... now i find myself, definitely having drank on more than a couple of occasions (although i really did'nt enjoy it at all...i'm told it's an acquired taste) and about the second part..i surprise myself by seriously considering it. (although , despite my extremely open minded views about it...i still don't believe it's such a hot thing for me!).
Anyway , so i was asked this very recently .I think one way of passing time in college when we are quite jobless is to ask each other ridiculous and pointless questions. Me, i ask these questions also because i'm very curious about what people think about everything. Anyway, so considering i've been asked this many times by several different people , i have well rehearsed answer, just waiting for an audience to be remotely interested.
So , all the physical attributes apart, (i'm sure most of us have a pretty good idea about the kind of people we are attracted to) , i was sort of wondering what kind of person i'd like to be around... and i came up with the following...
1) He has to be really intelligent.... call me an intellectual snob but i love ideas ...and i would go mad if when i was talking about something that really fascinated me...all i got in return was a blank sort of look.. ofcourse that's not to say that everything that fascinates me should fascinate him...but he should be atleast capable of having a sensible and logical argument with me...
2) He has to funny...not necessarily in a smart ass kind of way...but a good sense of humour even if slightly quirky is so absolutely required...it would kill me..if he went "huh???" at something that cracked me up...
3) Slightly eccentric would be fun...but not in an obsessive sort of way...that would make him a pain to be around..lol.. but people who are different have always fascinated me...
well , all of the above are absolutely important ...apart from the blah blah of him being a nice guy..which is such a deceptive word really...'cos it's expected to encompass a range of character traits that some times are a bit too unrealistic to expect all in one person...
When i say nice..i mean...not too much of a perv , not too much of an asshole and not a drunk...most other things are "put-up-able"
There! i'm often told that i'm asking for too much...but really i'm not...atleast well i'd would'nt like to think so...
lol....i guess i could add a whole lot more details...but then i might as well forget about it remaining realistic to any degree...
Oh...and swapnil..i seriously considered putting my response for what i said when i was asked what would be my contribution to the relationship...if i found the perfect guy....but then i realised it might end up making me sound far more scandalous than i am capable of being...lol.. so sorry if u expected to see that here...
Sunday, December 05, 2004
This last week has been so weird.I have lots of things to write about but i'll just stick to one..for although i know i could make each of it the subject of a post .i know there are some among my few readers that have small attention spans and for them i endeavour to indulge in an exercise of which i am unused to and dislike as well, Brevity!
I spent a good part of every morning , around 2 hours going door-to-door , interrupting every one in the middle of their busy morning (i'm sure) to tell them to segregate garbage into bio degradable and non-biodegradable...because our high court has passed a law on that and our college volunteered the services of the third years (like we have nothing better to do) to go and enlighten people..pah! talk about an exercise in futility!!! Most people , understandably , were'nt too happy to greet us but hey civility is a virtue too! One thing is for sure, far from being rude i'm gonna make sure i'm really polite to people who go door-to-door for anything.
One incident is particularly registered in my memory , of a cantankerous old man yelling at me , and a couple of my friends about how he was a model citizen and we should'nt tell him anything , that he was an environmental activist and that how could we be so careless as to come to his house and tell him anything to do with anything , a couple of well chosen remarks followed, about how college was wasting our time and that we would be better off studying... when all we did was ring the bell and say..sir, i hope u have heard about the new rule that says that u must separate u're garbage! Piece of crap...i hope he rots in hell...well, not really but anyway... i bore the brunt of the yelling simply 'cos i was standing in front... ah well..after 5 minutes of listening to his crap , i gave up trying to explain and pacify him..and i told him that i was sorry i could'nt stay and listen to him the entire morning but i had to go to lots more houses and waste their time...then the couple of my friends burst out laughing and we trapezed off into the sunshine...
Ofcourse , in all fairness there were many people we met that were extremely nice , and very courteous . I guess they could see that we were trying to make the best of a situation that we did'nt particularly relish.
oh! god... i think i'm incapable of it , brevity i mean , especially in the context of narration. well, it was an experience from which i learnt a lot. so i guess all's well that end's well.
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Today, like most sundays in my life so far , was spent absolutely unproductively. But what makes it different from your average , equally unproductive weekday , is that i don't feel so guilty. Sunday is meant for rest. Or so i'd like to believe. Rest from what? The guilt that accumalates as a result of an unproductive week.
Well, anyway, I went to church today after two weeks (my failing faith and all that..) and as usual i sort of switched off as soon as the sermon began , slipped into my own tiny , self-involved world. But for once the priest happened to read out something that happened to reach out and pull me out of my reverie. I've just been looking for that poem , it is particularly religious and i have just found that the entire sermon is available online. God! priests don't even come up with their own sermons these days. But i suppose they hardly expect for us to happen upon the sermon they deliver as their own on the internet. And here i was thinking , "Not bad, the guy has actually thought about what he's saying."
Well , i suppose plaguarism is alright , if you are plaguarising something sensible.A lot of people don't even do that. Well,anyway the first part of what he read out particularly appealed to me. It's not profound. But It is so very true.
A poem by Joseph Nolan :
We wait all day long,
For planes and buses,
For a dates and appointments,
For 5 o’clock and for Friday.
Some of us wait for a second coming,
For God in a whirlwind.
All around us people are waiting
A child, for attention.
A spouse, for a conversation.
A parent, for a letter or a call.
The prisoner waits for freedom,
And the exile to come home.
The hungry for food,
And the lonely for a friend,
The whole earth’s a waiting room!
The savior will see you now.
Is what we expect to hear at the end.
Maybe we should raise our expectations.
The savior might see us now if we know how to find him.
Could it be that Jesus too is waiting
For us to know that He is around?
Towards the end , it shifts from being philosophical to religious. but i think that's just the way the poet chose to look at it . I chose to ignore that part , although i guess once , not too far back , it might have appealed to me as well.
I was never ashamed of my faith in god. I learnt rather early , to compartmentalize that aspect of my life and keep it separate from what i try normally to be : Logical , Rational and if I can manage it , Scientific. And since i cannot support my faith with logic , i just leave it at that and put it down as something that works for me, of which i have no real understanding. But for perhaps a year or more now , my faith has dwindled. It bothered me a lot , because over and above everything else , i recognized that my faith in god provided me with solace and hope.
(I should say that although i had a deep faith in god , i was never religious. I guess that's a result of being the product of an inter-religious marriage. Both my parents are deeply religious and yet have managed , and i think this makes them pretty cool people, to maintain their own identity , while respecting each other's and conveying to their children a sense of faith in god rather than indicating a particular religion to follow or not. )
So, everytime i go to church or the temple , do i feel hypocritical ? Absolutely! But i've resigned myself to that now, i'm hoping that someday it'll sort of just miraculously come back . One part of me questions whether my life is very different now as compared to then, but since obviously i do miss it , it must have done something for me.
Well anyway , getting back to the poem , as i sat there listening to this being read out , i sort of felt that it was meant for me...some sort of divine message , (if u still believe in that, my mind whispered.) telling me to get up and get going not keep waiting for something to materialise out of thin air. Ok so this is common sense, why the religious context. well the priest meant for it to be religious. But it applies to my life in such a practical way.
And it occurred to me , that there was such a universality in the act of waiting. like the poem tries to convey, we spend so much thought and time and energy in ANTICIPATION of something or the other. It's pitiful how much passes us by while we wait. Especially for things , we know , deep inside , might probably never happen. Or things like waiting for the weekend, when we know pretty well we have to back to the week very soon.
Ok well, apart from this rather contemplative reflection, my sunday went as usual. The absolute highlight of the day was that i think had an almost PERFECT cup of traditional south indian filter coffee (or as they say here filter kappi). It was awesome. Just the right amount of bitter. Like a friend of mine says " T'was Groovy!" Surprisingly, it was at a nice restaurant , usually the best coffee is to be got at smaller kadais (shops) or atleast so is my experience. Anyway , Baristas and the Coffee Days of the world are all very fine , but nowhere near the league of what i had today. (Although i think i paid as much for it as i do there).
Ok it's about 2:30 and i've to get up early tomorrow for college...So if i have rambled , attribute it to the late hour.Especially 'cos i'm not a nocturnal person.
Friday, November 26, 2004
I sort of decided that i would'nt post anymore poetry for a while , but for the last one and a half weeks or so i have been reading so much poetry and i have found so much of it so beautiful and romantic and awesome , that i can't help myself. That is , however , what i expected. what i did'nt ,though , was to be entertained and amused.(like the following poem actually made me ,and several people i read it out to, laugh..)
I guess i'm going through a phase where i devour poetry with a sort of frenzy that reminds me of when i read Irving stone's Lust for life. (which btw..is about vincent van gogh and impressionism). I think , back then i spent 3 whole weeks in a trance. I read Depths of glory almost immidiately (also about impressionism) and several other non-fiction books on impressionism and art in france.I must have spent hours searching to see the paintings online.
Well anyway, here's the poem i liked.. and no i don't just read poems that are slightly dirty(for lack of a better word) . I just put up those that i think are different from what i usually come across.
may i feel said he
(i'll squeal said she
just once said he)
it's fun said she
(may i touch said he
how much said she
a lot said he)
why not said she
(let's go said he
not too far said she
what's too far said he
where you are said she)
may i stay said he
(which way said she
like this said he
if you kiss said she
may i move said he
is it love said she)
if you're willing said he
(but you're killing said she
but it's life said he
but your wife said she
now said he)
ow said she
(tiptop said he
don't stop said she
oh no said he)
go slow said she
ummm said she)
you're divine!said he
(you are Mine said she)
....i really like all of it except the last line...it makes women seem clingy and possesive!! which i resent.. ok maybe some of us are... but not all... ok maybe all...but not all the time..lol.. ok maybe i should just let it go!
Friday, November 19, 2004
I found the following poem in the compilation i'm reading...and i loved it..so i thought i'd put it up 'cos i'm pretty sure most of my friends have'nt come across this kind of stuff considering most of the poetry they read was in school!!! ...and yet..it is definitely worth reading...
If however, you have'nt read too much poetry and don't enjoy it much...then nows the time to navigate away.
This poem is long but definitely not difficult to read..and it is really , to say the least , priceless!!! Tt actually manages to be BAWDY and LEWD and at the same time quite EROTIC , but somehow the poem left me feeling quite amused at the end of it and a little pity for the guy. well read it...you'll see what i mean.. .
well anyway here goes:
The Imperfect Enjoyment
Naked she lay, clasped in my longing arms,
I filled with love, and she all over charms;
Both equally inspired with eager fire,
Melting through kindness, flaming in desire.
With arms, legs, lips close clinging to embrace,
She clips me to her breast, and sucks me to her face.
Her nimble tongue, Love's lesser lightening, played
Within my mouth, and to my thoughts conveyed
Swift orders that I should prepare to throw
The all-dissolving thunderbolt below.
My fluttering soul, sprung with the painted kiss,
Hangs hovering o'er her balmy brinks of bliss.
But whilst her busy hand would guide that part
Which should convey my soul up to her heart,
In liquid raptures I dissolve all o'er,
Melt into sperm and, and spend at every pore.
A touch from any part of her had done't:
Her hand, her foot, her very look's a cunt.
Smiling, she chides in a kind murmuring noise,
And from her body wipes the clammy joys,
When, with a thousand kisses wandering o'er
My panting bosom, "Is there then no more?"
She cries. "All this to love and rapture's due;
Must we not pay a debt to pleasure too?"
But I, the most forlorn, lost man alive,
To show my wished obedience vainly strive:
I sigh, alas! and kiss, but cannot swive.
Eager desires confound my first intent,
Succeeding shame does more success prevent,
And rage at last confirms me impotent.
Ev'n her fair hand, which might bid heat return
To frozen age, and make cold hermits burn,
Applied to my dead cinder, warms no more
Than fire to ashes could past flames restore.
Trembling, confused, despairing, limber, dry,
A wishing, weak, unmoving lump I lie.
This dart of love, whose piercing point, oft tried,
With virgin blood ten thousand maids have dyed;
Which nature still directed with such art
That it through every cunt reached every heart -
Stiffly resolved, 'twould carelessly invade
Woman or man, nor aught its fury stayed:
Where'er it pierced, a cunt it found or made -
Now languid lies in this unhappy hour,
Shrunk up and sapless like a withered flower.
Thou treacherous, base deserter of my flame,
False to my passion, fatal to my fame,
Through what mistaken magic dost thou prove
So true to lewdness, so untrue to love?
What oyster-cinder-beggar-common whore
Didst thou e'er fail in all thy life before?
When vice, disease, and scandal lead the way,
With what officious haste dost thou obey!
Like a rude, roaring hector in the streets
Who scuffles, cuffs, and justles all he meets,
But if his king or country claim his aid,
The rakehell villain shrinks and hides his head;
Ev'n so thy brutal valour is displayed,
Breaks every stew, does each small whore invade,
But when great Love the onset does command,
Base recreant to thy prince, thou dar'st not stand.
Worst part of me, and henceforth hated most,
Through all the town a common fucking-post,
On whom each whore relieves her tingling cunt
As hogs do rub themselves on gates and grunt,
May'st thou to ravenous chancres be a prey,
Or in consuming weepings waste away;
May strangury and stone thy days attend;
May'st thou ne'er piss, who did refuse to spend
When all my joys did on false thee depend.
And may ten thousand abler pricks agree
To do the wronged Corinna right for thee.
Lord John Wilmot , Earl Of Rochester.
p.s: this poem was written in the 1600's . did'nt realise the words Cunt, Fuck etc. existed then!! lol...trivia for the interested! also if you like this.. u should try reading some of his other poetry...quite as bawdy,just as amusing and not as long! although sometimes perhaps a little too much !!
here's a description of the poet that i found somewhere on the net:
the second Earl of Rochester,(1647-1680)
"Cupid and Bacchus my saints are,
May drink and love still reign,
With wine I wash away my cares,
And then to cunt again."
-- a lyric poet, satirist, and a leading member of the group of "court wits" surrounding Charles II. A libertine, he lived out a promiscuous lifestyle reflected in his writing style and subject matter. He wrote scurrilous lampoons, translations of classical authors, and several autobiographical poems. A predecessor to the Marquis De Sade, he wrote more frankly about sex than anyone in English before the 20th Century.
Interesting! to say the least!
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Offlate i have been reading a volume of poetry on Love. and no it's not just about ode's to wives and mistresses. The book contains around 500 poems classified , in my opinion, pretty darn well into the following categories: Intimation,Declarations,Persuasion,Celebration,Aberrations,
Separations,Desolation and Reverberations. so yeah, it covers the whole ground. And pretty much most of the famous poets from chaucer to milton to hardy to shakespeare , pushkin, neruda, byron , dylan thomas... the whole nine yards. It's delightful really, i really do believe that almost every emotion to do with the nature of love and falling love is present in this book.
Well, here are two poems that i really liked , that i found sort of different , or maybe i just have'nt read too much.. well here goes :
Womanisers -By John Press
Adulterers and customers of whores
And cunning takers of virginities
Caper from bed to bed, but not because
The flesh is pricked to infidelities.
The body is content with homely fare;
It is the avid, curious mind that craves
New pungent sauce and strips the larder bare,
The palate and not hunger that enslaves.
Don Juan never was a sensualist:
Scheming fresh triumphs, artful, wary, tense,
He took no pleasure in the breasts he kissed
But gorged his ravenous mind and starved each sense.
An itching, tainted intellectual pride
Goads the salt lecher till he has to know
Whether all women's eyes grow bright and wide,
All wives and whores and virgins shudders so.
Hunters of women burn to show their skill,
Yet when the panting quarry has been caught
Mere force of habit drives them to the kill:
The soft flesh is less savoury then their sport.
and second one is :
LOVE - By George Gransville, Baron Landsdowne
Love is begot by fancy, bred
by ignorance, by expectation fed,
destroyed by knowledge,and,at best,
lost in the moment 'tis possessed.
I Offer no critique on either , i am hardly qualified , so i will just conclude by saying that i really enjoyed reading both of them although they are very cynical.
Sunday, November 14, 2004
A warning sign
I missed the good part, then I realised
I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses
Come on in
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign
When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so
A warning sign
It came back to haunt me, and I realised
That you were an island and I passed you by
And you were an island to discover
Come on in
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign
When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so
And I'm tired, I should not have let you go
So I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms
And I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms.
It could have been written for me...for the most part.... and a dozen other songs too... fuck it.. who cares if everyone figures how fucking foolish i can be!!!
Friday, November 12, 2004
What the hell is wrong with our society???? Anything to do with religion and we become incredibly illogical, and downright narrow minded. why does everyone get defensive about their religion just because every now and then we find that there are religious heads that can't stick to the right side of the law???
Ok so the shankaracharya has been arrested. Did he commit a crime? Maybe he did , Maybe he did'nt. But why is it so hard to believe that he might be involved in anything shady? He's a religious head sure, but not God. so he's not above crime whatever we might like to believe.
So , if he was indicated or accused or whatever , why should he be above the legal system.Your road-side murderer would have to go to jail if he was accused in the same manner and no one would raise their voice , no one would stage dharnas , no one would object , no one would declare a bandh. so why does a shankaracharya get that? In a position of social and religious authority , should'nt we be more worried that some one we trust to tell us right and wrong ,advice governments , resolve religious tensions and help define morality in our ever-changing society, be above all blemishes of scandal in any form , let alone accusations of murder and conspiracy???
But no, we take it as an affront to our religion.Why can we not separate a religious head from the religion itself??
If he was a conspirator in murder ,he should go to prison or whatever the law states.and that's that.
But no, it does'nt get left at that...Every one screams "frame-up"!!! and the case has'nt even been tried yet. Great!!! how do we jump to conclusions without knowing a damn thing?? Sweeping opinions are the order of the day.. one of which i read today was..."what rubbish...how can he be involved in anything like that... he's the shankaracharya ...it must be some elaborate conspiracy..they must be trying to frame-him (they being??) ...how can 'they' do this...they are insulting all of us by putting him in prison.."
Any suggestions for a "they" ??? Willing Scapegoats may apply . Nominations are also welcome!!!!
For god's sake...people!! don't be so god damn ridiculous...it's an affront to ourselves that we are prejudiced thus... ah well...do little voices get heard.... perhaps, sometimes it's best if they don't!!!
Sunday, November 07, 2004
It has been ages since I last wrote. A week feels like that.. and it's not for lack of will . For the life of me, however, i could'nt seem to find anything worth saying.Then i decided that if i kept waiting around for something really worthwhile to say...the world would pass me by and so would time...so with a cheerful..'who gives a shit...??' ..i embark on today's post.
I believe there are only three reasons to write, really. First, one has something new in the form of an idea or a different perspective to share with the world. Second, one simply enjoys the process of writing , is good at it or otherwise , and therefore whose writing either entertains or tortures, respectively ,those that read it. And Last, one writes simply because one has nothing else to do.
Ofcourse , this assumes that one feels the need to write in the first place , but like millions of others , u just might not ,in which case the above classifications do not apply to you. (how fabulously english one can make oneself sound just by using a third person thingummy..lol..)
As u can see i have no idea about the nuances of english grammar..so if u are thinking...ofcourse not , she must mean passive voice.. i will defer to your better judgement...for i have no more knowledge about english grammar than i do about how to build a rocket (btw, the comparison is intended to illustrate how little i know of it...lol) However since ,i have been brought up speaking it(for the most part , correctly. thanks to my parents.) i can use it without effecting too much abuse on one's senses.
Now, coming back to my three classifications. I'm quite positive , atleast at this time , that i do not fall into the first category. So little of what we think, is really original. But i'll elucidate on my theory of originality of thought some other time..
SO, that leaves the second and the third. Now , i do enjoy writing so i satisfy one of the criterion ,but about writing to entertain...well certainly ,that is one of my intentions.. but with how much efficacy i pull it off , lord knows! so basically, i'm sort of ambigous on the entertainment/torture thing...well i'll leave that as a variable for now.
And about the last criterion. i satisfy that everytime i sit down to write. Well , not exactly , in the sense i probably have better things to do , but i'd rather not do them . You know how it is, one invariably detests what is constructive and purposeful. Or atleast i do. Sort of like the second law of thermodynamics ,we tend to maximum entropy,maximum chaos and as little order as we possibly can get away with. Not out of intention but that's sort of what happens anyway.
Take for example , my room , or that of many of my fellow believers in the theory of i-can-only-find-stuff-if-my-room-looks-like-its-been-hit-by-a-tornado!!(phew!!!)
About every six months, at the behest of my mother,(a nice way of saying my mom refuses to cook food for me if i don't clean up) i set about to turn my room turvy-topsy (as against the usual topsy turvy..) , throw out unwanted stuff etc.
I do that because that way i get to control what i want to keep , for, otherwise my mom would simply throw out all my stuff... (and hey some stuff has it's value in nostalgia.. like my 2nd std.cursive writing book..lol..i had it until a while ago..can't seem to find it now that i've just cleaned up..damn!)and i can't have that.. although i guess eventually i'm gonna have to succumb to the pressure and get rid of all of it.
Well , i can't say i actually do what she expects. i've developed this excellent knack of making an appearance of having cleaned up without actually doing too much work. (how much more can anyone expect???)and within a week, without any help ,(and sometimes if i've actually cleaned , then two weeks)..it seems to resemble almost exactly what it did before i bothered to clean up..(i keep asking my mom to just give up...but she does'nt accept defeat and battles valiantly on..) With a trump card like not cooking , i can hardly rebel. aaah...the eternal struggle..lol
Anyway getting back to what i was saying...one does tend to meander..like this post. it did begin with some sort of order... now i search for it in vain...alas!it has disappeared..lol..
I tell you , the mysteries of the physical world apply to our insignificant human psyche too.. and i have loads of other examples but i'm sure u get the picture...
well ,anyway since the purpose was only to just enjoy writing and occupy a little of my time i shall say i have succeeded.we'll leave the variable thing alone...so if u have any positive inputs on that let me know...otherwise , i don't want to hear it..lol
oh and adit..if u're reading this. here's an example of a post that started one place and ended up quite another. sort of like the conversations we end up having...lol.. but it's not all bad..atleast, they are fun...
Anyway until i find something proper to write about.. mon amies...Au Revoir
p.s: the title is to do with a beatles song that i really like.. it does'nt really relate to the post..but i've been humming it all day and i could'nt think of another title..so..lol.. anyway ,the lyrics go like this..
.... he's as blind as he can be
just sees what he wants to see
is'nt he a bit like u and me...
... Does'nt have a point of view
knows not where he's going to
is'nt he a bit like you and me...
ok...do u vehemently disagree?? well,if u think about it dispassionately..u'll find we're all like that to some degree... especially about the second part.. so many of us just meander!!!
Sunday, October 31, 2004
I Have Finally begun to read The Picture Of Dorian Gray , one of the many books I have heard much about but not read yet. Anyway, this post is about the preface to it that Oscar Wilde wrote, which I found extremely profound . I’m not really taking a stand on it one way or another because I don’t know enough about art or life. (gee…that has’nt stopped me before…or any of us for that matter!)
Anyway I thought u might like to read it. Tell me what u think .
Oscar wilde, I apologize for any typos , and if I owe u royalty to reproduce this here. Let my profound admiration pay your due. That’s all I have!
Ok, Here it is:
The artist is the creator of beautiful things. To reveal art and conceal the artist is art’s aim. The critic is he who can translate into another manner or a new material his impression of beautiful things.
The highest , as is the lowest , form of criticism is a mode of autobiography. Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault.
Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are cultivated. For these there is hope.
They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only beauty.
There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are either well written or badly written. That is all.
The nineteenth century dislike of realism is the rage of caliban seeing his own face in a glass.
The nineteenth century dislike of romanticism is the rage of caliban not seeing his own face in a glass.
The moral life of man forms part of the subject matter of the artist , but the morality of art consists in the perfect use of an imperfect medium. No artist desires to prove anything. Even things that are true.
No artist has ethical sympathies. An ethical sympathy in an artist is an unpardonable mannerism of style.
No artist is ever morbid. The artist can express everything.
Thought and language are to the artist instruments of an art. Vice and Virtue are to the artist material for an art.
From the point of view of form , the type of all the arts is the art of the musician. From the point of view of feeling , the actor’s craft is the type..
All art is at once surface and symbol.
Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril
Those who read the symbol do so at their peril.
It is the spectator ,and not life , that art really mirrors.
Diversity of opinion about a work of art shows that the work is new , complex and vital.
When critics disagree the artist is accord with himself.
We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he does not admire it. The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely.
All Art is quite useless.
Well…u might not agree with all of it. But definitely it’s an extremely pertinent point of view. Especially about what defines decent art , if there is such as indecency as far as art is concerned that is..….and so for all those seeking to curb our freedom:
Moral Police and Censor boards of all manner , take note…There is nothing moral or immoral about art. And the artist decides if something is art or not…not you!!
oh and if u are wondering about the rage of caliban....he was a monster in shakespeare's The Tempest who looked in to the mirror and appalled by his own reflection , smashed the mirror. He blamed the mirror for showing him his own dark soul. If u want to see what those couple of lines could possibly mean , click here , it's another blog..but it provides a possible interpretation if u are curious!
till later then mon amies
Saturday, October 30, 2004
This was sent to me as an email forward....so u might have seen this before..but since it made me laugh, i thought you guys might like it too...
Hope it makes you smile...... till later mon amies
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because
of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer
On a MYER hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the
only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and
that would be how???....)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's
"just" a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce
the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those
5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet,
eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a
child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
For all my adoring fans... who await my every word...(and if u're thinking.."oh yeah, who?"...well..i assure u...i have a couple...but then ,they like their anonymity...otherwise i would have u know..lol)
i'm gonna have to take a self imposed sabbatical. (unfortunately!) i was just getting the hang of this. damn! well what can i say...i have to turn my focus to a pointless exercise that is supposed to define our degree of education...EXAMS!!
hah! well....however pointless...i don't have a choice ..and being the procrastinator that i am..my tail is on fire.. so i must refrain completely from any and all forms of entertainment!! until this stupid thing is over...
Oh well...no use in complaining...what must be, must be!! (profound as hell...i know!! where do i come up with these gems , u ask...lol...not an acquired skill , i hate to inform u! ha ha ha!)
Well, i'll see u guys in a week and a half...(am tempted to say "I'LL BE BACK " in an arnoldesque voice...but that's so stale...and so will satisfy myself with a simple...i'll be back...in my own voice...lol)
So, hang in there...my wonderful sense of humour shall make it's return..lol...oh and wish me luck..i need all that i can get!! lol...till later then ..Mon Amies
Au Revoir... (and unlike u vishnu...i actually know french!!!)
p.s: i just read this really nice blog entry...it's anit-bush... cliche u think! but this one is hilarious ...well atleast i think it's well written and very succint (i think that's the right word..lol) anyway...u should check it out.. (click here)
Thursday, October 21, 2004
You Guys....u have just got to read this shit.....it's priceless...definitely good for a lot of laughs atleast . I was sent the link by a friend of mine...god knows how he found it......and me being a girl and all still found it hilarious... anyway, i think u should check it out...
here's the link to main website.. http://www.intellectualwhores.com/
be sure to visit Why Intellectual Whores? , Female Intellectual Whores? , Intellectual Pimps and finally the The Ladder Theory
Perhaps it's a little , shall we say , blunt....and maybe it does'nt really apply to our society as yet....oh who am i kidding...it probably does.....lol..anyway, tell me what u think... .vishnu especially u...lol... u guys i really wanna know what u think...so please leave comments...
oh and this is the shortest post so far....so for all u people who complained...(bah! and all that..)..I conclude.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
I don’t think I’m gonna be able to do justice to this by myself considering I have’nt.. uh..shall we say.. had too much experience …(although ;) I have had some…and for those of u who knw me...don't u dare laugh...lol)
My Experiences (or the lack of it) aside …what I really want is for everyone to enjoy this post in all it’s honesty. So I am gonna go against my usual rule and just reproduce some excerpts from what I believe is a very honest and tell-all book about Men and their attitudes towards the women they date. I was extremely intrigued when I saw the Oprah show that featured this book and it piqued my curiosity since it seemed to advocate and suggest a lot of what I myself have come to realize.(by observing the follies of those around me…that’s why I could manage so much hard reality…lol…one is never good at analyzing one’s own life…except in hindsight)
Infact the reason I was so interested in it was because I seemed to share almost exactly the same views (ah…well atleast there are some benefits to having lots of guy friends and being interested in what people think…lol…but u guys…ofcourse not…u are also great fun...especially when I want to win an argument …lol..or do I just have dumb friends..lol…ok ok just kidding…pls don’t kill me) anyway .. I have been told politely several times (and once not so politely…) to just ‘cork it’ about my theories…lol… (well what can I say…no one likes it when they ask u for your opinion and u tell them what u really think…even though they begin with ..
”u know , I really want to know what u think …blah blah…”)
Ofcourse that includes me…I have recently come to understand the short term benefits of being deluded….well if not benefits...comforts atleast….Unfortunately , I suppose , We rarely ever want the truth , especially if it’s harsh ,we just want to hear what we want to hear . (profound na?...i know..i was going for that..lol..)
Well…ha! And double ha! See…now somebody actually writes a book about it…and I actually came up with quite a bit of this by my self…lol…(how clever of me..lol…) well all u women who disagreed with me…I was right…ok, yeah i know , a book is not like a scientific theory with proof and all but come on…enough no. of people have to agree with the contents of a book for it to be published…so…lol..
Anyway before I keep rambling and get off track …without further ado…let me unveil for you…six magic words that will set u free..( because as Oprah Dramatically insisted…THE TRUTH SETS U FREE…ha ha ha…and in this case…causes u heartache too…!!)
HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
The Following is an excerpt from the first chapter… and the rest of chapter one can be found here
The first chapter is written as a series of agony aunt style questions and the replies that Greg and Liz write back. Here’s the first one..
I'm so disappointed. I have this friend that I've known platonically for about ten years. He lives in a different city and recently he was in town for work, so we met for dinner. All of a sudden it felt like we were on a date. He was completely flirting with me. He even said to me, as he was checking me out, "So, what, you're working the whole 'model thing' now?" (That's flirting, right?) We both agreed that we should get together again soon. Well, Greg, I'm disappointed because it's been two weeks and he hasn't called me. Can I call him? He might be nervous about turning the friendship into romance. Can't I give him a nudge now? Isn't that what friends are for?
Dear Friendly Girl,
Two weeks is two weeks, except when it's ten years and two weeks. That's how long ago he decided whether or not he could date a model or a girl who looks like one. Can you be a pal and give him a nudge? Sure…Nudge away, -- but watch how fast that nudge doesn't get a return phone call. And if your dinner/date did feel different to him, it's been two weeks and he's had time to think about it and decide he's just not that into you. Here's the truth: Guys don't mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a "fuck buddy" situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks.
I hate to tell you, but that whole "I don't want to ruin the friendship" excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we're really excited about someone, we can't stop ourselves -- we want more. If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further. And please, don't tell me he's just "scared." The only thing he's scared of -- and I say this with a lot of love -- is how not attracted to you he is and how he’s going to communicate that to you.
//And here I was thinking I’d only highlight those things I thought to be very interesting and very true!!!!
Well u can read the rest of the chapter in the other post. Well as you can probably make out… I was really enthusiastic about this and ran a search online (Vishnu…I know what u’re thinking buddy…heights of joblessness!! Lol…and that I am turning into an I.V) well the results of my search were pretty interesting.
Infact , and this is much to my dismay , I found a lot of people had written blogs about this. So I spent quite a while just reading them. After a while they started getting repetitive though .
So how is mine any different… well it is’nt! Only that I’m hoping that none of you guys have read any of those other blogs so it might entertain u atleast a little. And for the guys…come on…all this stuff is true...and it is funny…if u’re not at the receiving end like us , u should be able to see it. So know that u’re secret has been revealed or rather your language has been decoded. You should be glad. Finally women might learn to take a hint. Or do u like for us to obsess about u and languish in the misery thereafter????
well just don’t get all uppity and deny that members of your sex can be well…assholes, sometimes .(I so badly wanted to avoid using that word…lol...alas, I have failed!!)
Since this post is already very long and I have been repeatedly told that my posts are too long. I’m gonna split it up into two parts. To make easier reading.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Yesterday , i learned something new, something that should not have surprised me, but did..at the very least it was amusing... The United States Of America have a communist party...
let that sink in...America and Communism...the only time, i thought , people spoke of the two in the same breath , was when they were separated by words like 'against' , 'despises' , 'ridicules' , perhaps even 'loaths' ....
so ,much to my amazement i was told they do exist..ofcourse it does not field a presidential candidate.. well definitely not this election atleast.. but like an american friend of mine said..'america ain't ready for communism...'
First of all , this is'nt to say that the people of america are'nt open to what might or might not be good for their society. (no matter how much it has been brainwashed into them that communism is the enemy) . it has nothing to do with american people. it has to do with people per se.
you can't be told for 3 whole decades or perhaps longer that communism equals russia equals the enemy and expect the common man to grasp and appreciate the greatness of the idea that is communism. (however impracticable it may be...and in my opinion utopian...btw if u are interested u should really read the CPA's idea of a socialist america...fascinating! Here)
Like many people , i am still quite ignorant about all but the very basic ideas of communism. I mean i know what they stand for , but i have no idea how it gets put into practice and how viable it might be to change a society that is so steeped in a "me , myself , money money" attitude..
how many things would change? for a while there would be chaos...but then i suppose everytime there is a change there is bound to be chaos.
So how do u convince a middle class man...that communism is what the country needs. when he has a college buddy that made it big in the dotcoms boom(ofcourse he could have so easily gone down when the bubble burst...but that's the flip side of capitalism..it can't protect against bubbles bursting...) and now drives a merc.. u appeal to his sense of social equality..u say... but social justice does not get him a merc...so why would he want it.. u're average joe maybe charitable and all...but he still wants more for himself... in quality of life (and that ,these days, is dictated to by consumerism-how much u have defines how much u're life is) .
and in my opinion it's too steeped in our psyche to change. except with something drastic. Like the way the french commoners had resigned to being second class until a revolution swept through .or the russians for that matter...(they were'nt always communist)...ofcourse revolution brings too drastic a change which like i said and history has shown us before...leads to years of chaos and a lot of suffering in the process.
But do i really think that's ever gonna happen....nope..simply because every one who is anyone , in positions of power and wealth will do everything that they possibly can to prevent it..their world would cease to exist if america turned communist...(boy..that sounds so strange...lol..) and who would turn it communist then...for all ideas must have poweful backers...or isn't that a prerequirement?? therefore, since it would not suit the purpose of those who could change it... i don't think there is any serious fear of america becoming communist...not that there would be anything to fear really...it would just be very different..but then maybe that's scary...well anyway...
So the question is ..like the communist party states in it's website...is there a peaceful way to change to what they feel would be much better for america?? i really think not...so either society will decline so much that it will be forced to change suddenly and drastically or it will just keep adjusting here and there and evolving along the presently set capitalist path..so the best bet is not to change the system entirely but to sort of build in clauses and conditions to correct as much injustice as possible....which is what we try and do i suppose with out judicial system..
In that way i think our constitution is pretty cool. It sort of seeks to establish a middle ground or so i have always understood... Although it is being manipulated to take us more and more towards complete capitalism.which in my opinion would be a mistake. A folly , we might never recover from ,even though the immidiate benefits might blind us to it's treachery. And NO ...i'm not COMMUNIST(as though that were a crime..lol)...but neither am i CAPITALIST. well maybe i lean towards the latter...which right minded person , i ask you...could object to a merc ..or for that matter a porsche..or the likes of those beauties...well anyway , ideologically i think i'm somewhere in the middle...
well anyway getting back to the CPA and this election... if the communist party seems to see it's contribution for this this election as trying to convince people not vote for George W. Bush then i say...right on!!
there is more antipathy in the world towards him than there is for anyother person right now.or maybe even ever. His own countrymen are disgusted with him.policticians apart... Musicians , Artists , Economists en masse.
and how can we forget for this is the most important , millions and millions of normal people...(lol..or not!!)
There was a poll conducted recently by The Economist , where they interviewed celebrated economists . The findings were pretty unanimous. 90% of them felt Bush's economic policies have set america back by atleast 5-6 years in terms of economic progress .and ofcourse billions and billions of dollars...and that's a fact That is some indictment!!
well if u visit the communist party's website u'll get an idea of why they don't want bush.
(Here) Personally however i don't agree with a quite a bit of their reasoning..but nevertheless a world without a trigger happy bush certainly seems ok by me..
Well enough about bush...if i really got started ...boy.. lol..then i'm sure a lot of people share my sentiments...and it's not just about IRAQ...although that's bad enough...and i'm not even american!!
So would kerry make a better president....i don't know...i've been following this quite a bit 'cos of my interest in politics in general and this being america...it's in all the papers. they do generate a lot of media coverage that's for sure...even in 'remote' india..hmm...well anyway..i think i'll write about bush and kerry another time... better stop now..have to get back to studying for my microprocessor exam which is first...so oh..wish me luck..
well till later then...sayonara
Sons and lovers (D.H Lawrence ) belongs to a class of books that i began reading out of curiosity and to 'educate' myself so to speak. i guess i realised that i had'nt read any really good writing..the greats , the supposed classics. thoughts that revolutionized , ideas that shocked , that kind of thing.
so i set about to educate myself a while ago. and since i love reading i did'nt think it would be that much of a struggle. but it was...not in the way one might presume ..that is to say it was not boring and that i definitely could comprehend it's beauty ,novelty and greatness. it was a struggle however , because of the strange nature of these books. i think a lot of the 19th century and early 20th century authors wrote sordid tales of people to illustrate how insignificant, pointless , ridiculous , etc. that their lives were. it was probably their need to cry out for change..both in society and for people as induviduals
Intellectuals Wrote. Most of them in the form of novels back then probably because it would mean that more people read it..take voltaire.. often considered one of the greatest intellectuals and philosophers ...i have only read one book of his...called candide. the story in itself is quite bizarre. there is barely any story line , and if there is its nothing special , barely any plot, except enough to make the reader see what the author was trying to illustrate in a subtle manner. the language is quite good but nothing particularly remarkable .unlike shakespeare , where along with his brilliant and incisive ideas , he managed to portray it so eloquently . so what is it that makes these books so powerful. for that is the word that describes them the best
i have read about 15 books written in the late 19th and early 20th century and i found quite a few similarities. perhaps 15 is too small a no. to make a real judgement but i don't want to make one..only merely to state how fascinating it has been to find so much in common with people who have lived in different centuries... but i suppose like paul simon sang.. "after changes upon changes we are more or less the same"....
perhaps they are obvious, barely profound. but since this has been my exploration with no one to even discuss it with , all the ideas are mine entirely however valid or not.
so i found that one thing in common ...in the books that i read..was that there was a strong leaning towards emotional freedom or rather the lack of it. Women suddenly became the central characters. Adulterous Women became a favourite. that's one interesting thing too..they began to be portrayed with a little more sympathy. Women ...in all stations of life. A maid could now be a convincing central character..Absolutely fascinating... and the best thing about it was that these were books written by men.
But i suppose objectivity and detachment are requirements to be an intellectual and i'm sure men are capable of it every now and then...(lol...that's ridiculous even for a feminist...and i'm not one..so..)
. hmm...often wondered why i read these books..because usually they are pretty sad. and i mean that. none of them have a 'happily ever after' kind of ending. and i am a sucker for those..lol..(i should stick to mills and boon..lol..) well , one possible reason , is the amount of insight one gets into the nature of men and women..then i suppose..exposure to new ideas..and philosophy..like for ex. razor's edge by somerset maugham..and fountainhead..ayn rand...(although must admit tht was the most difficult for me to read..have'nt yet done...) and catcher in the rye...although that is more recent...but it has sort of the same feel...
The feel being...that i found it hard to read..'cos the books in themselves were quite intense..so u had to pay attention to every bit..not the skimming thing i do when i read pulp..plus the stories themselves are sort of emotionally draining in a weird kind of way..or atleast i found them to be so...i could only read so much at once..but i had to keep going back..it was like an addiction to something that made u depressed...(especially Of Human Bondage..which btw is a brilliant book but very depressing..)
so i kept asking myself why was reading them in the first place...was it because i wanted to be exposed to good stuff...or was it because i felt particularly intellectual when i read them...maybe.. that could be part of it i guess...although i reassure myself with the thought that if it was a need to feel intellectual when i was'nt really inclined that way..i would not be interested enough to be able to read it for i know loads of people who won't read these books if u paid them...so i'm hoping that's not it..lol..
i think the allure for me is that they give me a nice look into the character's head...and since i am very interested in how people think..what they think..why they think ..that sort of thing...so i guess the thing is they describe the human psyche in such a detailed manner...in a way that u can relate to it two centuries later...so it's the base stuff....our instincts...well i find it fascinating..
does this sound pretentious...hmm...should'nt bother with that...fuck it..lol..being pretentious is'nt just the prerogative of some people i know...lol..
anyway...weird mood..guess it's the book...well anyway will stop meandering now....till next time...sayonara
Monday, October 18, 2004
WOE IS ME...........
How many great narratives have started with that..? well...i'm pretty sure there are quite a few..(and no..u're not allowed to disagree..lol..)
and this one ought to belong in that list..(of great narratives..) I say that with such confidence without actually having even written this as yet since i know what it takes to make a great narrative...to evoke the strongest human sympathy possible...a tear jerker..u ask? naaah..not really...but i do want u to feel sorry for me..
and i intend to succeed...so compose u'reself...u are about to ride a wave ..a slow tide that will ebb eventually but will hold u in it's grip for as long as it possible can....(don't make me beg..ok...u gotto hear me out..)
so the 'kahani' (for all of u who know even less hindi than i do...it means story...silly billies..) starts with a bright , clever, funny (etc. ) albeit horribly wronged-by-fate girl.... So we have her sitting all alone by the light of a lamp late at night..u may picture a cinderella...slightly better dressed...and minus a future prince in her destiny...(ah who knows..maybe i'll get lucky..)
haa.haa...sorry just took a couple of mins thinking about prince william..and what i'm missing down that avenue..lol..u guys!! he's yummy...still..
lol..anyway..i'm meandering...so getting back to it...our cinderella is stuck by the light of a solitary lamp for 3 whole days slaving....slaving and slaving...endlessly...(i know..u get the picture..lol..i was going for emphasis..) over some utterly futile and pointless crap that is her records and assignments for her crappy college...
now..pls don't misunderstand..i am not trashing education..or our education system(which actually is eminently 'trashable' would'nt u say??? ..anyway i'm saving that for another day..)
this is just about my college..which although it has really taught me quite a lot...only just not in the way of physics..which is what i enrolled for btw..
So...it's a week before my end semester practical exam, which is a culmination of all we are supposed to have learnt over the semester...(now what was it again...??) and we are to submit our revered records...which i have managed to keep completely clean and blank...new and shiny..lol..
hold on..i know what u're thinking..how irresponsible of cinderella...does she expect us to feel sorry for her..but the thing is...well..lol...yeah..i do expect u to feel sorry for me...'cos u know why...(and i say this in a meek , very baby voice..) ....i broke my leg and did'nt go to college for 2 months...
so i'm entitled...but the month that separated my return to my illustrious college and the sem pracs...seems to have disappeared in a haze of getting used to my old daydreaming pattern..and reaquiring skills that atrophied along with the muscles in my leg....such as passing notes without getting caught..talking on a cellphone in class...and eating chips without crunching too loudly..and other such difficult and long aquired skills...
and so i find myself one night before the absolutely last deadline (that is the day before my pracs..)..with 6 experiments of 18 not done...so i scramble..and finish writing in an exquisitely neat but completely illegible handwriting pages and pages...i do remember some graphs ..but i think i got someone else to do most of 'em...thank god for friends huh...(oh this is for u gayatri..lol..and meghs and atticus)
the familiar refrain rings through my head..."HOW DID I GET MYSELF INTO THIS???" ..."I'M NEVER GONNA LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN"...i'm gonna do my work on time in future...never ever..i berate myself...but procrastination is in my blood...(well that's a product of laziness i know...but hey i can't admit i'm intrinsically lazy....or did i just??) so one week later....voila...i'm in the same fucking boat...the words in my head are just as above...and this time it's not as easy as records...i actually have to write something of substance...on my own....oh the agony of it...
so it's midnight...and for the last hour i've been writing this...so just wasted time..lol..comforted myself with the thought that anyway i'm too sleepy to do anything particularly productive...(does that mean this is'nt...??...lol..)
anyway...yeah..so i have postponed for tomorrow morning the painful process of cribbing from a textbook...
and i do mean painful in a physical sort of sense too...lol...try and imagine juggling a 2000 page textbook weighing in atleast middleweight category...and a laptop..i think i've tried every contortion...laptop on lap...book by one side...results in what i'd call a lateral pain in the neck....book on the otherside...sort of hoped that it would neutralise the effect...but no such luck..lol...now i have a pain in both sides of the neck...then...came up with brilliant solution...would read one line and type it not continously read and type...that did'nt work 'cos i figured my memory up and decides to desert me despite the fact it knows my neck is being a pain...i mean how much of an effort is to remember a couple of lines at one go...jeez...
so anyway...now i have to stop...'cos i just realised this has become one giant sob story...lol..well too bad..i don't have to apologize to anyone for writing this...'tis my prerogative...
lol... that's what every idiot who wastes someones time says... well i did'nt ask u to read..so..lol..or maybe i did...vishnu, meeru...u guys are obligated...too bad...lol..
ok till next time...sayonara
oh tubba...in case u read this...u're gonna hear this sob story separately..lol..the benefits(or not...) u get..lol...
Friday, October 15, 2004
Oh Well.. Here Goes.. My First Blog. Momentous...? Raise u're glasses everyone...(clink clink and all that..) i've finally got around to doing something that i have long intended..(write for a possible non-exsistent audience ? ..a little voice asks..) lol..
well at any rate..if this is a success (however one might define that in terms of a blog..) then i owe it to the egging on of one Mr. Swapnil Jawkar...(as he very sweetly said...sneha...it does'nt have to make sense to anyone else...just write..) and well..if it's not...send all brickbats to sneha c/o swapnil...
oh and i have another acknowldgement..this is for you vishnu..for stealing u're idea..since my imagination was in short supply when i was asked to suggest a name for this blog...(what are friends for..) u know what i mean..i humbly beg u're pardon...fuzzy logic , although not u're creation...was introduced to me by you..so..but if u think i owe u some royalty...well..think again!!
i have no idea what this blog is going to contain...but i presume it will be a reflection of my fuzzy logic...lol..(vishnu i know u're wincing....and this has nothing to do with C.Sc or math) and whatever i feel like writing about...however interesting or not..
anyway i'm pretty sure i don't have to tell u to feel free with u're criticism...that is one thing no one is in short of ..and everyone is willing to dole out completely free and with the best of intentions... in the guise of advice...
ah well...bear with my cynicism and be kind .. we all know how much artists hate critics...lol...hey.. the comparison is not wholly undeserved...
ok maybe it is..but nevertheless...
hopefully i will settle down into some sort of style..and my writing will be atleast entertaining...if not interesting...mark the subtle(or not) difference people..
well till next time then...adios..
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Most people that read my blog regularly know who I am, but just because I like the sound of it and 'cos I am amused by this slight veil of mystery, I still sign off as Mercury - a remnant of my geeky adolescence.
I like to think of myself as Alice in wonderland. Eternally curious, always interested in anything new. I'm fascinated by a million things - but Music, nothing stirs my soul like it does. I am quirky. My thoughts often run in circles. I like to think I have flashes of brilliance, when wonderful ideas flower like tulips in the Dutch spring but just as surely die because I haven't the sense to write them down. I am flaky and I fidget. I repeat myself. Occasionally, I show evidence of possessing a conscience. I am lazy. I need to get over it real soon. Some people find me funny. I like to think I am.
I have a huge ego. I can be contradictory. I love attention. Unfortunately, I'm very aware of it, so I end up feeling too sheepish and apologetic to really bask in it. I think I feel too strongly about everything. I can be opinionated. I find I am often right. I'm a teensy weensy bit of a snob. But I'm working on that. I want to be completely honest. I rarely manage it. I can be a complete and utter child. I sing at the top of my voice when I am alone. And sometimes when I'm not. Euphemistically put, I'm quite idiosyncratic.
I love poetry. I can't write it to save my life. But I'll never stop trying. My parents are among the most interesting people I know. I try too hard to impress people that probably don't matter. When I look back on my life, I'd like to have somehow made a contribution, however small, to the world . One day, I will write a book and start a school. For the most part, I bumble and stumble through my days. Yet somehow manage to get somewhere and that is in part why I believe in a God.
I love good food. Probably eat too much of it. One of my favourite feelings in the whole world is leaning back in my seat, with my eyes shut and feeling the plane take off. I love words. I find Gravity fascinating. Time-space, lorentz equations, twin paradox - the whole nine-yards. I talk too much. Nothing excites and boggles my mind quite like beholding Symmetry.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning thinking about a perfectly constructed sentence. I often wish I had studied language. But I'm glad I studied Science. I fantasize about being a writer. I haven't the balls to try. All in all, I'm just your average Joe who still, for reasons quite beyond the realm of probability, will cling to the belief that someday she's going to do something special.